Baltimore, Sunday Night

[spin_kick_snap]

It had been another bad day. The worst part was, there had been nothing that had made it a bad day. It wasn't like there was rhyme or reason for it, but for some reason as the sun went down and the lights came on over the water, Kathy been struck anew by grief, her breath thick in her throat, her eyes burning with tears. Maybe the lights had reminded her of LA. Or maybe they'd reminded her of happier, easier times, when everything was good. More than good. Perfect. She'd known what she was doing and why--everything had made sense. She'd had a plan and every step she'd taken had moved her closer to her goals.

Now she had no plan, no goals other than 'make it through the day.' Some days, she felt good, like she was making progress, uncovering bits and pieces of herself that she'd thought she'd lost, trying to fit them into the person she was now like shards of a broken mirror. Other days, like today, she felt like she was drowning and every breath was a struggle around the thick weight of grief and regret and pain that sat on her chest like a creature out of myth. Most days were somewhere in-between, an odd muted gray as she fumbled her way, uncertain whether she was moving forward or backwards or even off to the side.

Like she did so many nights, she made her way to Baltimore. This time, she found herself on a rooftop somewhere, staring down at the city. She didn't think she'd even stood on this particular building as Banzai before, but still the vantage point and the angles were so familiar that the ache she felt sharpened to the point of true pain. But the tears stayed where they were, locked away, and instead she just sat, staring at the city, at the life, she'd once called hers and waited for it to pass.

It would pass, right?



[For one and up early for SP]

Comments

[spin_kick_snap]

"Not now Dante," she rasped up at him. "You should go. I'm too fucking raw to be anything but..."

Honest. Blunt. Herself.

[rebelseekspizza]

Dante had a whole host of lingering problems with Kathy. Most of them, he wasn't even really aware of.

Her being something other than bippy or chirpy or trying too hard wasn't one of them.

"Moon's out," he mused, sinking down next to her on the ground. He looked up meditatively. "Think it's full yet?"

[spin_kick_snap]

Kathy cracked an eye to look up at the moon. Even with Baltimore's light pollution, she could see it just fine, hanging full and ripe in the sky. "Think so," she said. "If not tonight than tomorrow."

She drew in a ragged breath trying to find conversation. She was tapped out and so she lapsed back into silence instead.

[rebelseekspizza]

"Kinda cool," Dante said. He settled back next to her, not terribly fussed about his arm brushing against hers. "You don't get a view like that back in Limbo City. Maybe the demons've got something to do with that, too."

If she wasn't going to talk, he would.

[spin_kick_snap]

It was enough to get her looking over at him. Or maybe that was the sudden warmth at her side. She'd been out here long enough to get cold, though she hadn't really noticed. She was...really bad at paying attention to the signals her body was sending her these days. "How would they affect the moon?" she managed to ask.

Caught by her own curiosity. Well-played, Dante.

[rebelseekspizza]

"Putting extra smog into the sky, maybe?" Dante said. "I mean, nobody's wearing mouth-caps like they do in China at home, but..."

[spin_kick_snap]

"I can see that," Kathy said, scrubbing her face with her hand. "They don't seem the environmentalist type."

Just the opposite, in fact.

Voice quiet, she asked, "Why are you here?" It wasn't accusatory. She didn't have the cope for that. Just curious.

[rebelseekspizza]

"Heading into town, thinking about getting a few drinks," Dante said.

It was entirely possible he knew that wasn't what she was asking.

[spin_kick_snap]

"Didn't bring the bottle with me," Kathy noted. "Didn't expect company."

Hadn't been looking for any. Though now that he was here, she found herself torn between keeping him close for as long as he was willing to stay and pushing him away as fast as she could.

Fun times.

[rebelseekspizza]

"It's fine," Dante said. He turned his head, looked at her. "I can always go out and pick us up something if we get thirsty."

You know. If she wanted him to leave.

[spin_kick_snap]

"Do you want to go?" she asked, far more bluntly than she otherwise would. One benefit of being so completely done with everything? She didn't have the wherewithal to worry about how he'd respond and how those responses would make her ~feeeeel.~

[rebelseekspizza]

"Nah, it's a nice night."

Dante looked back up at the sky.

"You had the right idea in coming up here."

[spin_kick_snap]

"You know me," Kathy said, bitterness coloring every word. "Always full of good ideas."

[rebelseekspizza]

Dante slanted his head to study her.

"So what brings a girl like you to a place like this?" he asked.

[spin_kick_snap]

Kathy shrugged. "Being a girl like me, I guess," she said and the bitterness was still there. "Had another bad night. Had to go somewhere. Ended up here. Didn't feel like getting dressed up for a club."

[rebelseekspizza]

"Didn't get all that dressed up for a rooftop either," Dante said. He threw a slight, overly casual nod her way. "I could pick us up some drinks if you'd rather party up here."

For a measure of 'party' that involved sitting on a rooftop feeling sad.

[spin_kick_snap]

"You're not a huge fan of seeing people cry," Kathy pointed out. "And odds are pretty decent that's what'll end up happening if I get drunk."

Though she wouldn't blame him if he decided to get drunk to deal with it.

[rebelseekspizza]

"That bad, huh?" Dante said.

Well. So much for trying to lighten the mood.

Instead he was watching her expectantly now.

[spin_kick_snap]

"The shitty thing? There's no reason to be," Kathy said with a rough bark of a laugh. "Today was fine. I just feel awful for no fucking reason."

She shoved a hand through her hair, wincing as her fingers caught. "I'm sitting on a roof, like, feeling sorry for myself or whatever."

Not entirely accurate, but Kathy wasn't feeling particularly generous towards herself today.

[rebelseekspizza]

And she was apologizing to the guy who'd been in no small amount of pissed-off, depressed, hating-everything sessions when she'd met him.

"Yeah, that'll happen," Dante said, still studying her. "Not sure I'd call it feeling sorry, but whatever."

[spin_kick_snap]

"What would you call it then?"

Because it was that or threaten to shove him off the roof the next time he 'whatever'd' her. Sure, an idle thread since she hadn't been able to push him even before he'd gotten his power-ups, but the sentiment was the important bit.

[rebelseekspizza]

"You went through a lot of shit and sometimes it's not so easy to forget?" he offered.

[spin_kick_snap]

"It's been six weeks," Kathy said softly. "How does that feel like so long and no time at all? I feel like my skin isn't mine. Like it doesn't fit, almost. It's too tight, but not, like, literally. Sometimes I pinch myself. Not even because I'm worried this isn't real--though sometimes I wonder--but just to make sure that I can still feel shit. And now I sound fucking crazy."

[rebelseekspizza]

Dante's hand slid up to rub idly at his chest for no reason at all.

"No," he said quietly, "You don't."

[spin_kick_snap]

Yeah. No reason at all.

"...I don't?"