Baltimore, Sunday Night

[spin_kick_snap]

It had been another bad day. The worst part was, there had been nothing that had made it a bad day. It wasn't like there was rhyme or reason for it, but for some reason as the sun went down and the lights came on over the water, Kathy been struck anew by grief, her breath thick in her throat, her eyes burning with tears. Maybe the lights had reminded her of LA. Or maybe they'd reminded her of happier, easier times, when everything was good. More than good. Perfect. She'd known what she was doing and why--everything had made sense. She'd had a plan and every step she'd taken had moved her closer to her goals.

Now she had no plan, no goals other than 'make it through the day.' Some days, she felt good, like she was making progress, uncovering bits and pieces of herself that she'd thought she'd lost, trying to fit them into the person she was now like shards of a broken mirror. Other days, like today, she felt like she was drowning and every breath was a struggle around the thick weight of grief and regret and pain that sat on her chest like a creature out of myth. Most days were somewhere in-between, an odd muted gray as she fumbled her way, uncertain whether she was moving forward or backwards or even off to the side.

Like she did so many nights, she made her way to Baltimore. This time, she found herself on a rooftop somewhere, staring down at the city. She didn't think she'd even stood on this particular building as Banzai before, but still the vantage point and the angles were so familiar that the ache she felt sharpened to the point of true pain. But the tears stayed where they were, locked away, and instead she just sat, staring at the city, at the life, she'd once called hers and waited for it to pass.

It would pass, right?



[For one and up early for SP]

Comments

[spin_kick_snap]

"Do you want to go?" she asked, far more bluntly than she otherwise would. One benefit of being so completely done with everything? She didn't have the wherewithal to worry about how he'd respond and how those responses would make her ~feeeeel.~

[rebelseekspizza]

"Nah, it's a nice night."

Dante looked back up at the sky.

"You had the right idea in coming up here."

[spin_kick_snap]

"You know me," Kathy said, bitterness coloring every word. "Always full of good ideas."

[rebelseekspizza]

Dante slanted his head to study her.

"So what brings a girl like you to a place like this?" he asked.

[spin_kick_snap]

Kathy shrugged. "Being a girl like me, I guess," she said and the bitterness was still there. "Had another bad night. Had to go somewhere. Ended up here. Didn't feel like getting dressed up for a club."

[rebelseekspizza]

"Didn't get all that dressed up for a rooftop either," Dante said. He threw a slight, overly casual nod her way. "I could pick us up some drinks if you'd rather party up here."

For a measure of 'party' that involved sitting on a rooftop feeling sad.

[spin_kick_snap]

"You're not a huge fan of seeing people cry," Kathy pointed out. "And odds are pretty decent that's what'll end up happening if I get drunk."

Though she wouldn't blame him if he decided to get drunk to deal with it.

[rebelseekspizza]

"That bad, huh?" Dante said.

Well. So much for trying to lighten the mood.

Instead he was watching her expectantly now.

[spin_kick_snap]

"The shitty thing? There's no reason to be," Kathy said with a rough bark of a laugh. "Today was fine. I just feel awful for no fucking reason."

She shoved a hand through her hair, wincing as her fingers caught. "I'm sitting on a roof, like, feeling sorry for myself or whatever."

Not entirely accurate, but Kathy wasn't feeling particularly generous towards herself today.

[rebelseekspizza]

And she was apologizing to the guy who'd been in no small amount of pissed-off, depressed, hating-everything sessions when she'd met him.

"Yeah, that'll happen," Dante said, still studying her. "Not sure I'd call it feeling sorry, but whatever."

[spin_kick_snap]

"What would you call it then?"

Because it was that or threaten to shove him off the roof the next time he 'whatever'd' her. Sure, an idle thread since she hadn't been able to push him even before he'd gotten his power-ups, but the sentiment was the important bit.

[rebelseekspizza]

"You went through a lot of shit and sometimes it's not so easy to forget?" he offered.

[spin_kick_snap]

"It's been six weeks," Kathy said softly. "How does that feel like so long and no time at all? I feel like my skin isn't mine. Like it doesn't fit, almost. It's too tight, but not, like, literally. Sometimes I pinch myself. Not even because I'm worried this isn't real--though sometimes I wonder--but just to make sure that I can still feel shit. And now I sound fucking crazy."

[rebelseekspizza]

Dante's hand slid up to rub idly at his chest for no reason at all.

"No," he said quietly, "You don't."

[spin_kick_snap]

Yeah. No reason at all.

"...I don't?"

[rebelseekspizza]

"No," Dante said.

He looked up at the sky. "That makes sense too."

[spin_kick_snap]

"Feel like sharing your insights?" There was what Kathy thought, but she didn't trust herself. There was what Eliot said, but he cared about her and might err on the side of 'kind' rather than 'true.'

Dante hadn't bullshitted her even back when he had...whatever the word would be appropriate for what was then versus what was now.

[rebelseekspizza]

Dante opened his mouth and tried to start on an answer that was all about Kathy, not him. He tried it several times.

He failed. He sighed.

"When I was a kid," he said slowly, "They'd always tell me I was a monster, disgusting, a sack of shit, all that. And all that was going on in the rest of my life was... violence and death. It just kept being that, over and over, disgusting and degrading and pain and blood--"

He cut himself off.

"... I started wondering," he said. "Maybe they were right. But I felt like they weren't. It got-- I started wondering if I even had a heart in me."

[spin_kick_snap]

That was one way to rouse her out of the depths of her own misery. For a moment, she very much wished one of those demons were here, she'd show him what a monster really looked like.

For a much longer moment, she wished she felt comfortable enough around him to offer him a hug. Comfort. Anything.

"They weren't right," she whispered, fiercely. "Not about any of it." Which, of course, he already knew, but it needed saying anyway. At least if you were Kathy. "...What did you do?"

[rebelseekspizza]

"Let's say I went a lot further than pinching myself to feel something," Dante said.

After a long, long silence.

"So no, I don't think it's weird."

[spin_kick_snap]

Kathy was reminded of their first real conversation, that night in the boys' bathroom. How wild and angry he'd been, seething under the surface.

"What changed for you?" she asked. "I mean, I know finding Vergil helped but even before him, you were..."

Not so angry. Not so feral. Not so prone to hurting himself just to feel.

[rebelseekspizza]

"Found out I could have stuff that wasn't just fighting or fucking all the time," Dante said. "I guess."

He stretched his legs out, leaned back on the palms of his hands.

[spin_kick_snap]

Nothing she could steal and use for herself then. Dammit.

"You think once you take out Mundus, the rest of the demons will leave you alone?"

[rebelseekspizza]

Dante'd never had stability before Fandom. Just having it had been a massive change.

"I don't know," he said. "We'll see. I'll kill any shit-sucking demon that comes after me anyway."

[spin_kick_snap]

And she'd been part of that. Until, well, you know.

"I don't think anyone's doubting that," she said. "I was just wondering if killing him will bring you...closure, or something."