Baltimore, Sunday Night

[spin_kick_snap]

It had been another bad day. The worst part was, there had been nothing that had made it a bad day. It wasn't like there was rhyme or reason for it, but for some reason as the sun went down and the lights came on over the water, Kathy been struck anew by grief, her breath thick in her throat, her eyes burning with tears. Maybe the lights had reminded her of LA. Or maybe they'd reminded her of happier, easier times, when everything was good. More than good. Perfect. She'd known what she was doing and why--everything had made sense. She'd had a plan and every step she'd taken had moved her closer to her goals.

Now she had no plan, no goals other than 'make it through the day.' Some days, she felt good, like she was making progress, uncovering bits and pieces of herself that she'd thought she'd lost, trying to fit them into the person she was now like shards of a broken mirror. Other days, like today, she felt like she was drowning and every breath was a struggle around the thick weight of grief and regret and pain that sat on her chest like a creature out of myth. Most days were somewhere in-between, an odd muted gray as she fumbled her way, uncertain whether she was moving forward or backwards or even off to the side.

Like she did so many nights, she made her way to Baltimore. This time, she found herself on a rooftop somewhere, staring down at the city. She didn't think she'd even stood on this particular building as Banzai before, but still the vantage point and the angles were so familiar that the ache she felt sharpened to the point of true pain. But the tears stayed where they were, locked away, and instead she just sat, staring at the city, at the life, she'd once called hers and waited for it to pass.

It would pass, right?



[For one and up early for SP]

Comments

[rebelseekspizza]

"Pants suck," Dante commented. "They're oppressing us and shit."

Way too much time around Anders.

[spin_kick_snap]

"And so you rebel by enacting a pant-ban in your room," Kathy drawled. "How politically forward-thinking of you."

[rebelseekspizza]

"Gotta do my part, right?" Dante said. "Might as well be a fun part."

[spin_kick_snap]

"And the party appreciates your contribution, I'm sure," Kathy said, going for wry but still too amused to pull it off. "You should run on the No Pants platform for StuCo president next year."

[rebelseekspizza]

"Nah, that's Isabela's platform. I don't wanna steal her deal," Dante said lightly, corner of his mouth tugging up again. "I'm happy to just keep my room the pants-free place. Everywhere else, optional."

[spin_kick_snap]

"You're a Sanctuary Dorm," Kathy said, giving up the attempt and just sputtering into giggles. "And a model to all of us."

[rebelseekspizza]

"I figure you're all gonna come around sometime," Dante said sagely, sitting back as the waiter put down two excessively pink drinks in front of them.

[spin_kick_snap]

"Hey, more often than not, I don't wear pants," Kathy protested. Granted, she was wearing skirts, but whatever. Those weren't what had been oppressing him. "Winter is an exception, because if you've ever had a cold wind blow up your--winter is the exception, dammit!"

[rebelseekspizza]

"But you wear panties," Dante pointed out. "Unless you gave up on that."

[spin_kick_snap]

"Still do, for the most part," Kathy said. More than she used to, even. "Which, I know, is a tool of the kyriarchy that you abandoned long ago. Ask me again this summer."

[rebelseekspizza]

"Like what the fuck a kyriarchy is?" Dante said, picking up his drink.

[spin_kick_snap]

"Basically all the forms of oppression under one name," Kathy said, laughing a little. "Instead of singling out just the patriarchy, or racism, or heteronormativity, they all get smushed together under the kyriarchy."

She picked up her drink, then put it back down a moment later as something occurred to her. "You don't do that as much anymore," she realized. "Stop and ask me what the word I just used was."

[rebelseekspizza]

"You're not using a lot of words I don't know anymore," Dante said, though... well, that wasn't it, was it? "I mean, they make more sense now."

[spin_kick_snap]

"Your weapons come with a vocab upgrade to?" Kathy teased, before shaking her head and becoming serious again. "You remember more now, right? Like reading 1984 and stuff. So all the words you used to know and grew up hearing are seeping back into your consciousness."

ALWAYS KNEW YOU WERE SMART, DANTE!

[rebelseekspizza]

"I guess that's it," Dante said. He was frowning, though. "Keep wanting to call you guys 'humans'."

[spin_kick_snap]

"We are," Kathy said softly. "And you're...not. Genetically, anyway." She frowned. "Well, according to some worlds, I'm not, either." She waved that discussion aside, because it didn't actually matter to her main point. "But your parents weren't and they raised you knowing you weren't, either. Which is why you might have the reflex to say that sometimes. But...that's just genetics. It's why you don't get sick and are the world's prettiest weapons locker. When it comes down to what really matters? You're as human as they come."

[rebelseekspizza]

"I don't know," Dante said. "These days... I don't know much of anything about this stuff, feels like."

[spin_kick_snap]

"Well, it's not like there's a Guide to Being Nephilim just lying around for you to peruse," Kathy said, though her tone was sympathetic. "But you don't act like a demon. And you can be a real dick sometimes, but you're nowhere as douchey as angels usually come across."

Come on, they'd kicked Eva out of heaven for falling in love. That was some grade-A asshole behavior right there.

"You're a little bit of good mixed with a little bit of bad, but mostly confused and just trying to muddle through. That sounds pretty human to me."

[rebelseekspizza]

"Maybe," Dante said.

He didn't sound convinced. But he drowned it in a gulp of his drink.

"How're you doing now?"

[spin_kick_snap]

"Tonight or in general?" Kathy asked, mirroring him. Not bad, for such a vibrantly pink drink. "Better than earlier, still not great overall. Haven't really processed much of anything, just keep putting it off and pushing it down and goes away on its own. Finding other ways to deal and cope when it doesn't."

Super healthy, yes.

[rebelseekspizza]

"Hopefully you'll get laid more soon," Dante said.

It came out dryer than it might have a few weeks ago, and he was actually surprised by that.

[spin_kick_snap]

"Gee, I'm sure that a nice helping of dick will solve all my problems," Kathy told him.

[rebelseekspizza]

"Definitely good at distracting you," Dante pointed out.

Look, Kathy, you were still talking to a guy who spent most of his life trying to solve all of his problems with his dick, so...

[spin_kick_snap]

"I'm mean, true," Kathy conceded. "But I can't actually fuck every moment of the day. Or even just the ones I'm conscious for."

Beat.

"You're going to point out that's what drinking is for, aren't you."

[rebelseekspizza]

Dante tilted his head. "... Yeah, basically," he said. "Or other stuff."

Beat.

"Don't do drugs?"

Look, he couldn't sell that one so well, for obvious reasons.