Barry's Old Warehouse, Saturday Afternoon

[spin_kick_snap]

Kathy hadn't meant to lie to Anders when she said that wouldn't be alone tonight. She'd had every intention of going back to the apartment, letting Raven yell at her for that bullshit note she'd left, and then spend the rest of the evening pass by in a Netflix binge, where she'd watch six episodes of a forgettable anime and only drag herself to bed when the sun came up.

That wasn't what happened. Too filthy and injured for Baltimore, she'd made her way to Barry's old warehouse of all places. But it hadn't been the worst place to hole up while she had a breakdown. There'd been a shower, a clothing replicator, even a prototype for a food fabricator, though Kathy'd had to force herself to eat. It also had a lot of bits of heavy machinery that barely dented when she slammed her batons against them and pillows that made a most satisfied ripping sound when she tore them apart. Best of all, it was in the middle of the warehouse district and no one had come to find out what all the clamor was about, save for one squirrel that had run away after she'd flung a bottle of rum at it and screamed, "LEAVE ME ALONE!"

And there were plenty of places to curl up and crash once she'd worn herself out.

It was afternoon before she finally woke up, stiff and sore and still tired. Her reflection in a piece of shiny sheet metal was a blurry composite of light and dark--dark circles under her eyes, dark bruises elsewhere, pale face, and even bits of white feathers caught in her dark hair from her destructive rampage. She barely recognized herself. Hell, she barely looked human. If this were LA again, she wouldn't blame anyone for mistaking her for an ex. "Look at me, I'm a wreck," she muttered, shaking her head. "Just look at me."

"Look at me and tell me who I am,
Why I am, what I am.
Call me a fool and it's true I am,
I don't know who I am.
It's such a shame,
I'm such a sham.
No one knows who I am."

She was dancing now, Fandom's whimsy moving her feet in slow, sweeping circles. She barely noticed, not with memories from the year before rising up unbidden. Memories of when she'd been happy; filled with wonder and songs and laughter.

"Once there were sweet possibilities,
I could see, just for me.
Now all my dreams are just memories,
Fated never to be.
Time's not a friend, hurrying by.
I wonder who am I?

Am I the face of the future?
Am I the face of the past?
Am I the one who must finish last?"

Her circles slowed, bright memories fading back to grim reality. She came to a stop right back at the metal sheet acting as a mirror. Once again, she looked into it, and her reflection stared back at her with dull eyes. She barely recognized the girl in the makeshift mirror. And wasn't sure she wanted to.

"Look at me and tell me who I am,
Why I am, what I am.
Will I survive?
Who will give a damn,
If no one knows who I am?"

"Nobody knows," she whispered to herself. "Not even you. No one knows who I am...."

[Post is open and musical!]

Comments

[rebelseekspizza]

"Funny what a night's sleep can do for you, right?" Dante said. "And--Going on and on I have the future in my hands
Getting lose from days I never could get over
Going on and on until I'm finally myself
Getting out of this dishonest world I never wanted--"

Shitting hell, what was it with him and that song today?

[spin_kick_snap]

Kathy didn't look like a night's sleep had done much for her, but she was nodding anyway.

"So, just checking--are we pretending like we can't here these adorable musical interludes?" she asked, quirking an eyebrow upwards. "Might make the conversation easier."

In that they'd say almost exactly nothing.

[rebelseekspizza]

"Not sure if we can," Dante said, leaning back against the couch. "Going to take me pretending I don't know you're still fucked up, too."

[spin_kick_snap]

"What gave it away?" Kathy asked wryly.

While standing in front of him with feathers in her hair and road rash down one side.

[rebelseekspizza]

"Where do you want me to start?" Dante asked her frankly.

[spin_kick_snap]

Honestly, Kathy was almost curious--both about what he noticed and what he hadn't. "Wherever you want, I guess," she said, shrugging like it didn't matter. "Lay it on me."

[rebelseekspizza]

"You look like a mess, this place is a mess, you were kinda out of it yesterday, and then there's the fucking singing," Dante ticked off. "... Though I don't know how much of a fucking dump this place was before you got here."

[spin_kick_snap]

"Hey, I'll have you know I look about fifty times better than I did yesterday," Kathy argued. "...I'll give you this place looking worse though."

She sighed, looked around for a place to sit, and then remembered she'd demolished the chair that had been here. So she sat on the floor and hoped he didn't notice the wince.

"I was on when I needed to be," she said softly. "I didn't let my bullshit let anyone else get hurt."

[rebelseekspizza]

"I know."

Dante hadn't missed the wince, but then he was watching her more closely than usual. "Not sayin' it 'cause of that."

[spin_kick_snap]

"Then why?" she asked, blunt. "You hate talking about feelings. You hate it when I word-wall at you and there's no way I can explain this stuff briefly. Not when I'm trying to figure out half of it as I go. So why do you ask about--Another hero, another mindless crime
Behind the curtain, in the pantomime
Hold the line, does anybody want to take it anymore
The show must go on,
The show must go on
Inside my heart is breaking
My make-up may be flaking
But my smile still stays on.

[rebelseekspizza]

Dante sighed. He knew he wasn't gonna get a word out, so he stalled for a second before he opened his mouth, rubbing at the bridge of his nose.

"So blow me away now, with your screwed-up mind
There's no charm left now for you to find
I see you, you see me
And who the hell am I supposed to be?"

[spin_kick_snap]

"How can I answer that?" Kathy asked him. "When I don't know who I'm supposed to be?"


Her rash stung and she rubbed at it. "We've flip-flopped," she told him. "You're the one with the bright future now, the endless possibilities, the love and the friends and everything. Some days, I almost wish I could resent you for it."

[rebelseekspizza]

"You got endless possibilities too," Dante said, frowning up at her. "If I got anything good going for me right now, I had to build it from zero."

He rubbed the back of his neck. "But I know what it's like to be at zero, all right? Like you feel you are."

[spin_kick_snap]

"I'm not saying you didn't," Kathy said. "Or that you don't deserve what you have. That's the thing. We both do. That's why I don't resent you for it. Fuck, that's why I'm proud of you, even though I don't have the right. You fought for what you have. I threw all of mine away."

[rebelseekspizza]

"Can't believe I'm the one saying this," Dante muttered, "But maybe you should stop being so hard on yourself."

[spin_kick_snap]

Kathy barked a sharp laugh. "Why? Nothing I'm saying is wrong. Hell, most of what I'm saying is a variation of something you've said to me! Every day, I get up and I see the consequences of the choices I made. So why should I ease up here, even if I knew how."

Which...she wasn't entirely sure she did. So there was that.

[rebelseekspizza]

"You fucked up, I'm not saying you didn't," Dante said.

He sank further against the couch. "Old rivalries are so hard to mend
Were it so easy to choose your friends

You were there by my side
A friend through it all
But you left me beaten and bruised
And falling apart

Though I tear and divide
I won't let you fall
There is blood pumping through
Your machine of a heart."

Not exactly the point he'd been getting at, but okay, Fandom.

[spin_kick_snap]

Kathy was quiet, turning those lyrics over in her mind.

"How real was that?" she asked him some moments later. "How much of that was real, versus just the closest song Fandom could find?"

[rebelseekspizza]

"... I don't know," Dante said, running a borderline self-conscious hand through his hair. "I just... don't wanna see you go to pieces."

[spin_kick_snap]

Kathy watched his hand, opened her mouth to comment, then closed it again. He was probably well aware of what his hair looked like.

"You're too late for that," she told him instead. "I've been in pieces since I came back. Sometimes they're just in a more functional configuration than others."

Kathy thought she'd said what needed saying perfectly well, but Fandom felt the need to chime in.

"I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything..."

"I'm not on drugs," she hastened to clarify.

[rebelseekspizza]

"I would've been."

Had done just that, right after she died, but pointing that out wouldn't help.

[spin_kick_snap]

"I thought about it," Kathy said. "Not brave enough for it, though. Never even abused cough syrup. No wonder you laugh at me."

[rebelseekspizza]

Dante looked at her, and the rash, and the state of the room.

"I'm not laughing," he said.

[spin_kick_snap]

"You're right," she agreed. "I should have amended it to laughed."

She looked up at him. "Shouldn't we be singing about you? You're the one who had his life turned upside down yesterday. All my issues are old news."

Glaring upwards into middle distance, she scolded the island. "Really? Really? And that wasn't the perfect opening for the Fresh Prince theme song?"

[rebelseekspizza]

Dante snorted softly. "I'm fine," he started.

The island really needed to stop interrupting him.

"--Praise to my father
Blessed by the water
Black night, dark sky
The devil’s cry

Bless me with the
Leaf off of the tree
On it I see
The freedom reign

We are falling
The light is calling
Tears inside me
Calm me down."