Barry's Old Warehouse, Saturday Afternoon

[spin_kick_snap]

Kathy hadn't meant to lie to Anders when she said that wouldn't be alone tonight. She'd had every intention of going back to the apartment, letting Raven yell at her for that bullshit note she'd left, and then spend the rest of the evening pass by in a Netflix binge, where she'd watch six episodes of a forgettable anime and only drag herself to bed when the sun came up.

That wasn't what happened. Too filthy and injured for Baltimore, she'd made her way to Barry's old warehouse of all places. But it hadn't been the worst place to hole up while she had a breakdown. There'd been a shower, a clothing replicator, even a prototype for a food fabricator, though Kathy'd had to force herself to eat. It also had a lot of bits of heavy machinery that barely dented when she slammed her batons against them and pillows that made a most satisfied ripping sound when she tore them apart. Best of all, it was in the middle of the warehouse district and no one had come to find out what all the clamor was about, save for one squirrel that had run away after she'd flung a bottle of rum at it and screamed, "LEAVE ME ALONE!"

And there were plenty of places to curl up and crash once she'd worn herself out.

It was afternoon before she finally woke up, stiff and sore and still tired. Her reflection in a piece of shiny sheet metal was a blurry composite of light and dark--dark circles under her eyes, dark bruises elsewhere, pale face, and even bits of white feathers caught in her dark hair from her destructive rampage. She barely recognized herself. Hell, she barely looked human. If this were LA again, she wouldn't blame anyone for mistaking her for an ex. "Look at me, I'm a wreck," she muttered, shaking her head. "Just look at me."

"Look at me and tell me who I am,
Why I am, what I am.
Call me a fool and it's true I am,
I don't know who I am.
It's such a shame,
I'm such a sham.
No one knows who I am."

She was dancing now, Fandom's whimsy moving her feet in slow, sweeping circles. She barely noticed, not with memories from the year before rising up unbidden. Memories of when she'd been happy; filled with wonder and songs and laughter.

"Once there were sweet possibilities,
I could see, just for me.
Now all my dreams are just memories,
Fated never to be.
Time's not a friend, hurrying by.
I wonder who am I?

Am I the face of the future?
Am I the face of the past?
Am I the one who must finish last?"

Her circles slowed, bright memories fading back to grim reality. She came to a stop right back at the metal sheet acting as a mirror. Once again, she looked into it, and her reflection stared back at her with dull eyes. She barely recognized the girl in the makeshift mirror. And wasn't sure she wanted to.

"Look at me and tell me who I am,
Why I am, what I am.
Will I survive?
Who will give a damn,
If no one knows who I am?"

"Nobody knows," she whispered to herself. "Not even you. No one knows who I am...."

[Post is open and musical!]

Comments

[spin_kick_snap]

"That...actually makes sense," Kathy said. "Max said..."

Aww, Max. Kathy hadn't liked him, but he'd deserved a better fate than he'd gotten. Kathy remembered what it was like being Rodney's puppet and he'd mostly left her standing in a basement somewhere as the ultimate surprise.

"Max used to talk about power sources and stuff like that," she said. "He, uh, might have mentioned you once or twice, too. He said you were a conflagration in a world of matchsticks."

[rebelseekspizza]

Dante pulled a face. "Yeah, I remember Max," he said. "Think I like Anders' description better. He called me a guilt-free mountain of lyrium."

Well, 'guilt-free' hadn't been exact phrasing, but that was what it came down to.

[spin_kick_snap]

It was dumb to be a little jealous of this, right? This evidence of yet one more bond between them that Kathy had no part in?

Yeah, it was super-dumb. Good pep talk, self.

"Are you happy, green eyed monster? Are you happy, with your place?"

Getting real old, Fandom.

"Neither of them really work for a quippy new nickname, Glowstick," Kathy said quickly, before he could comment on the song. "Do better."

[rebelseekspizza]

Dante glanced towards her as she started singing, but-- yeah, she gave him no time to comment. "Sorry," he said, "You're gonna have to stick with Glowstick for now. C'mon."

He reached the door and pushed it open, holding it for her.

[spin_kick_snap]

"Only because 'World's Prettiest Scabbard' is too long to work," she informed him, 'Pooky' on her tongue but given no sound. She stepped out of the warehouse moving more slowly than usual, and squinted in the bright afternoon light. Raven was going to murder her. "Feeling like anything specific? Food-wise, I mean?"

[rebelseekspizza]

"Nah, I can do anything," Dante said.

He glanced over at her again, albeit this time for a different reason. "You okay?"

[spin_kick_snap]

"I thought we'd covered most emphatically that I'm not and agreed to change the subject," Kathy said, absently rubbing her arm again.

The other one, this time.

[rebelseekspizza]

"I mean physically," Dante sighed. "Anders said you got sliced up."

[spin_kick_snap]

"Oh." Kathy looked down at herself and nodded. "Yeah. The teleporting-masked asshole got me with his sword and then I had to play distraction for twelve seconds with a chainsaw guy before Ringo could do her thing, and then there were some run-ins with the floaty-screamy women with spikes and the giant, evil cat critters. Oh, and I got bounced down the street a bit." Kathy wrinkled her nose. "Basically, Limbo fauna sucks, in case you were wondering. But it's nothing lasting or permanent, and I'll heal. Might scar in places, but I don't have any of those anymore anyway."

[rebelseekspizza]

Dante winced as she was laying it all out there.

Not making him feel less guilty about asking you, Kathy.

"You sure you don't need Anders, or the clinic?"

[spin_kick_snap]

As far as horrible experiences went, this made the top five but only just.

"Anders is so exhausted he's still sleeping," Kathy reminded him. "And I'm okay. It's all stuff that'll heal on its own. I'll be a rainbow of interesting bruises for awhile, but that's nothing really new."

[rebelseekspizza]

"Well, sleeping again, we got back this morning," Dante said, absently rubbing his arm in sympathy. "Just don't push it, all right?"

[spin_kick_snap]

"Right," Kathy said with a nod. "You stayed last night. Did it help?"

[rebelseekspizza]

"...Yeah."

[spin_kick_snap]

"Jeeze, Dante, now I see why you get so annoyed when I word-wall at you," Kathy mock-grumbled. "So much information to sort through."

[rebelseekspizza]

Dante shrugged. "You get weird about me and Anders a lot," he pointed out. "You really want me to get into the details?"

[spin_kick_snap]

Kathy was quiet for a long moment, considering. "Can you handle me being weird?" she asked. A few bars of the 'green-eyed monster' song were hummed but fortunately the island didn't go further than that. Maybe it knew it was pushing its luck. "I don't know if I can explain it quickly. I don't know if you want to hear it at all."

[rebelseekspizza]

"Handled you being weird before," Dante said, shrugging. "I can handle you being weird again. Why?"

[spin_kick_snap]

"No, I mean..." Ugh, words. That was why she used so many, because sometimes it took her awhile to get through the useless ones and into the heart of what mattered. "I can handle hearing about stuff, but I might be weird about it. If you're okay with me being weird, I'm okay with listening. Talking. Whatever."

There okay, explained. Good.

"I more meant, I can explain the weirdness and why it wouldn't always be weird or even all weird, but it won't be a quick, ten-word explanation, probably. That's all."

[rebelseekspizza]

Dante gave... half a shrug this time, one shoulder coming up and sinking down.

"Which do you want first?" he said. "Me talking about stuff or you explaining your stuff?"

[spin_kick_snap]

"I've talked a lot about me today," Kathy said, making a face. "It's your turn for the sharing hat."

[rebelseekspizza]

Dante snorted. "Fine," he said. "We got a hotel room in Limbo City, Anders ordered pizza. And then we just... talked about all of it. Everything on the table, no judging, blah blah."

[spin_kick_snap]

"I'd like to see what's on the table," Kathy said softly. "I mean, I'll understand if you're not comfortable putting everything on there with me, but...whatever you're willing to share, I'll listen. Or whatever. Something."

[rebelseekspizza]

"What I am, what it means, the future, Vergil..."

He trailed off, looking at her again. "It's. It doesn't feel so bad."

When he was talking to Anders about it.

[spin_kick_snap]

"You know you're allowed to grieve for him, right?" Kathy asked. "You did what you had to do, but that doesn't negate the past. How much you loved him. And all your expectations for a future with him in it. It's okay to miss all of that."