Apartment Above Lukes, Christmas Day

[spin_kick_snap]

Kathy had gone slightly less Christmas!Kathy this year, in part because her apartment was smaller. But there was a tree - the largest she could fit in her apartment - and decorations up everywhere that wasn't low enough for Ronin's tail to knock over. Most of the tree was covered in decorations she'd bought last year, but on the front were two very important ornaments, a half-burned clay pine tree, clumsy and made by a child, and six delicate metal fans knotted on a length of fishing wire.

There were Christmas carols playing softly through speakers, cookies and cocoa (and stuff to spike it with) on platters on the table, and presents waiting to be unwrapped under the tree. But, more importantly for the moment, there was a blanket on the couch and a dog looking for cuddles, and a moment of peace during the hectic holidays was a gift not to be squandered.

[Open for holiday guests]

Comments

[rebelseekspizza]

"Think he's gonna leave too?" Dante asked quietly.

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Kathy nodded. "Not right away," she said, biting her lip. "But I think within the next few years, definitely. And Alluka and Ringo are graduating...Everyone is leaving."

But more than that, everyone was moving forward.

[rebelseekspizza]

Dante didn't need to voice what he thought she was thinking. He reached to pull her into him instead, wrapping his arms around her body.

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"And I know it's not personal. Nobody's choosing other things over me...but it still kinda feels that way," Kathy murmured against his chest. "Like maybe if I were better or smarter or kinder or...whatever, people would want to stay."

And she knew that was ridiculous, that no one was going to organize their lives around where she was and to even think that anyone would was the height of egotistical. But...feelings were still feelings.

Feelings were also dumb.

[rebelseekspizza]

"You can't be anything other than you, and people love you," Dante said softly, pressing a kiss against her hair. "You're already better and smarter and kinder."

He didn't know what else to say. He'd left, too.

[spin_kick_snap]

And hadn't he felt similarly when she hadn't come along?

"I frequently wish I were other things other than me," Kathy said wryly. Ronin, twigging to something in her voice or body language or emotions or something, came over to stand by the couch, laying his head on her knee.

"Do you ever feel like the things that matter most keep slipping through your fingers, no matter how hard you try?"

[rebelseekspizza]

No, Dante wanted to answer.

But something in him ached.

"Twice," he said.

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"Twi--?" It took Kathy a second. "Oh."

And now she felt like an asshole, comparing this to Dante losing his twin.

"I'm sorry."

[rebelseekspizza]

Dante kissed her hair again. "You're one of them," he said softly.

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"Oooh," she said again, flushing. She, uhh, hadn't been considering herself there, no.

The worst part? She wasn't even sure which time, specifically he was referring to. The first LA? The second? Her staying here?

All of the above?

"I never mean to be," she said softly, her hand on his cheek.

[rebelseekspizza]

"I miss you," Dante said, oh so quiet.

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"Am I slipping?" Kathy asked, just as quiet.

She needed to know how it felt from his side.

[rebelseekspizza]

"I don't know," Dante said, still fingers beginning to move across her hair. "Know I'm working my ass off to keep a hold of you, though."

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Kathy nodded. "I know you are," she said. "I hate how far you are sometimes but I never feel like it's...an unbridgeable distance. I don't feel like we're growing apart."

[rebelseekspizza]

"I worry about it," Dante admitted. "Every morning you leave sucks ass."

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"Yeah it does," Kathy nodded. "In a way though, I'm glad it does. Because I don't want leaving to get easy."

If anything, she wanted it to get harder and harder until one day she couldn't bring herself to go.

[rebelseekspizza]

"No," Dante said, and hugged her tighter. "But... yeah, I get it."

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"It's getting harder to leave," Kathy said quietly. "I'm not just saying that because I'm sad or anything. It is."

[rebelseekspizza]

"Harder to leave Limbo City?" Dante asked softly.

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Kathy nodded. "I still don't like it," she admitted, a little helplessly. "But it's becoming more and more a part of my life. My therapist is there, Ronin's vet, the two of you, the prox--"

She paused, not quite ready to talk about that other thing; the admission papers in a folder, waiting for her to make a decision (or not make a decision, which was still making a decision). She didn't want to dangle the hope in front of them if she decided not to go.

On the other hand, she was glad she had them already and they were dated for two days before their birthday, because it was proof she wasn't just doing it out of a fear of being left behind.

[rebelseekspizza]

"The prox...?" Dante asked, but there was an implicit 'I'll drop it if you want me to' in his tone.

[spin_kick_snap]

Kathy frowned. "Would you rather know about something sooner and possibly be disappointed, or not know anything at all and possibly be happily surprised?"

[rebelseekspizza]

"Whichever suits you," Dante said. "Don't wanna push."

[spin_kick_snap]

Kathy smiled. "Your desire not to push sometimes meshes oddly with my indecision."

[rebelseekspizza]

Dante smiled. "Keep your secrets," he said, kissing her gently. "Don't wanna set you up for a shitty 'so about that thing I said...' conversation later."