Apartment Above Lukes, Tuesday Evening

[spin_kick_snap]

So, technically, Kathy's plan was to make tacos for dinner, but no one would know that from the state of the kitchen. She'd decided to make homemade guacamole (because what were tacos other than tasty vehicles for guac?) and now all the taco fixings were kind of pushed off to one side while she finished mashing up the avocados and chopping the cilantro and prepping the other stuff.

And texting Dante, because making tacos was the perfect opportunity for jokes, right? Especially with her shoulder still a little red from Pride?

Looking forward to putting all the tacos into my face tonight, she said, continuing their lazy conversation. No more sausage for me, but tacos are always the way to my...heart.

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[spin_kick_snap]

That was exactly how she felt all the time. On the verge of doing the wrong thing without having the least clue of what 'right' was.

"I wasn't trying to say otherwise," Kathy said, feeling very tired. "The whole reason we got here wasn't because I was trying to talk about where we are or where we're going. I don't need the reminder that this takes time and I'm only going to make things worse if I try to rush it." That much, she knew was right.

"Basically, my whole point boils down to me not saying anything about what's going on in my head because I don't know which of it is going to jeopardize that concept of team we're all working towards. I know we're not going to get there in a matter of weeks or even months. I know we've made a lot of progress in the time that we've had. I'm not trying to pressure us getting to 'team' faster, I'm telling you I spend a lot of time not knowing if the next thing I say is going to hit the gas pedal, the brake, and or the reverse."

She drained her glass, feeling deflated. Hollowed out, maybe. "I don't have a timeline or a schedule or an agenda for us getting to 'team.' I don't have some grand idea of what 'team' is or should feel like. I just want to be able to talk to you without being afraid I'm fucking everything up when I do."

[rebelseekspizza]

Dante would say he needed more booze, but they'd started this conversation with Kathy more fired up than he was, and they were still there.

"Okay," he said. He pried the other label off of his bottle. "I don't think the handling on this thing is as sensitive as it was six months ago. Or even one."

He put the label down on the table.

"Maybe we need an emergency system for the times it does get outta hand, but I'm not that touchy anymore."

Even if these conversations did end increasingly in him feeling guilty about not getting with the program faster. Even if she didn't mean for it.

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Hey, there was a whole bottle of rum on the counter. And more booze elsewhere. There was probably more alcohol in the apartment than was strictly healthy, but who was going to argue?

"I'm just...worried," Kathy said. "Maybe it's just time, or maybe it's just familiarity, or whatever." She bit her lip, then shrugged, throwing caution to the wind. "It just worries me that all the progress we made was after I decided to hold myself back." She gave a small smile, inviting him to find the dark humor in it. "We made more progress when I was less...me."

[rebelseekspizza]

"Aw, fuck."

Yeah, that had never been Dante's intention.

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Didn't have to be intention. Might just be what he responded to. That was her fear. That they just liked her better that way.

She shrugged. "Yeah," she said, draining her glass. "Like I said, it's probably just a factor of time, of things getting less raw. Of me being, like, more sane."

But.

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"I don't wanna do this to you, Kat," Dante said, watching her. "I don't wanna be the guy who cuts you down."

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"I know," she told him. "And I'm not trying to make you feel responsible for my issues. I'm just--I'm difficult. I know I am." She laughed, a little rueful. "I bet you and Anders never have these kinds of conversations, huh?"

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Dante laughed softly. "Yeah, not really," he said.

He and Anders tended to talk about something once, if it came up, get to the crux of it, and then move on.

"But seriously, Kathy... if this is all it's ever gonna be between you and me? All this shit you're putting yourself through, would it be worth it?"

[[ thanks for not telling me you didn't send this, DW... ]]

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"Depends on what you mean by 'this,'" Kathy said bluntly. "This, like, just friends?" Or whatever they were. Kathy wasn't going to worry over it. "Yes."

No hesitation.

"It's hard. Sometimes I don't even like you. Sometimes I kind of resent you. So it's not like I'm I'm sitting here all starry-eyed, hoping for a happily ever after. I miss things being easy between us. But it's worth it even when it's hard."

[rebelseekspizza]

Dante nodded, some part of him relaxing.

Despite all of her claims about getting it, about not getting ahead of herself, the weight of her hopes was still sometimes-- suffocating.

But if she was okay with things as they were...

"Okay," he said. "Good."

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"So, about my mixers," Kathy said, giving him a smile. She was pretty done with heavy talking right now. She was far too exhausted to keep going. "I've got raspberry margarita mix, not strawberry just to spite you."

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"Eh, I'll live," Dante said.

On an impulse, he reached for her hand.

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Kathy looked at him, surprised, before linking her fingers through his. "Aww, and here I was hoping that it would just mean more margaritas for me. Gotta get ready for Mexico, you know."

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Dante gave her fingers a squeeze. Look, none of that had been easy on her.

"Sorry. You're gonna have to steal your excess margaritas from Anders later," he said. "I gotta drink too."

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Or him, either and Kathy appreciated that.

"Which reminds me...any interest in showing up in Mexico?"

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"If you guys want me there, sure," Dante said. "Not like the school kicked my ass for playing hooky last time."

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"Anders hasn't decided yet, but I don't think that's going to be a problem," Kathy said. "And I'm totally doing this for the pleasure of your company and not to have an excuse to stay an extra week at the resort."

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Dante chuckled softly. Then something occurred to him. "Can you guys afford that?" he asked, finally picking up his taco again.

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Kathy hesitated. "Yeeees," she answered finally. "I know Hardison tossed a bunch of cash into mine and Raven's account when we got back. Between that and the money we have from our jobs, it should stretch to two weeks."

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"I can kick you some of Vergil's money if you need," Dante offered, before biting into his taco.

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Kathy opened her mouth to protest, to insist that she hadn't invited him so he'd bankroll their trip. Except...except he knew that. And maybe part of moving forward, whatever that meant, involved trusting him a little more, too. "I... wouldn't say no," she said. "If you think you can spare it."

Using Vergil's money for their own, human enjoyment made her spitefully happy, too.

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"I got plenty I don't know what the fuck to do with," Dante said easily. "Might as well make sure you two have a good time."

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"I don't expect you to pay for the whole thing!" Kathy said quickly. "But if you do come down and we stay the extra week, some help would be great."

Because expeditions were expensive!

"Also the second week, there's a tasting tour held by a local tequilaria. Just saying."

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Dante laughed. "Hey, hey, a week in some resort getting laid, you already had me," he said. "Now you're just showboating."

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"You wanna see showboating," Kathy snorted. "Two words: all inclusive." Which was really one hyphenated word, but shut up. "All food, all drinks, all free."