spin_kick_snap | Apartment Above Luke's, Thursday Afternoon

Kathy was sitting crosslegged in her living room, surrounded by a truly staggering number of anatomically-shaped lollipops, hard candies, and other confections. It turned out that the company that had supplied Dite's with chocolates and candy had gone out of business and multiple other companies had sent samples to the store in hopes of scoring the contract. Kathy...wasn't sure what it said about the store or the island that it was considered a lucrative enough market for a number of stores to go to this much trouble.

But, she was determined to be a good manager and if that meant spending the afternoon trying a ridiculous amount of sexy candy to decide which she liked best, well, she was up to the task. As long as she took breaks for real food every few hours, she should be okay, right? And she had a pen and paper to record her observations (and had come up with several criteria to judge them on), making this all legit and aboveboard and not just an excuse to gorge out on penis-shaped candy all day.

So far, she'd noticed that the sour gummy boobs made the cut on her lip burn and the mold for one of the companies tended to make their chocolates look more like melted candles than anything sexy. Oh, and another company used cheap chocolate that tended to flake off which was just NOT attractive in something meant to simulate body parts. It was this kind of attention to detail that separated the good managers from the mediocre, see?

[Open! But probably slow as I'm still in training, so who knows what my schedule will be when this finally posts. Link to Anders' thread.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

rebelseekspizza

"Alana's good. Got roped into military service," Dante said, pulling a face. He swallowed a mouthful of vodka before continuing. "Anyway, she was helping me break into the factory, but the place was crawling with rent-a-cops."

From:

spin_kick_snap

"Real security?" Kathy asked. "Or collaborators and demons in human guise? They make it out okay?"

From:

rebelseekspizza

"I think they're collaborators," Dante offered, "Can't be sure. But they were humans."

He took another sip of his vodka. "Alana and Kat came out fine. Just tussled with a couple of the guards."

From:

spin_kick_snap

"Glad to hear it," Kathy said. "I mean, not that I expected you to be here, drinking with me, if they weren't, but..." She gestured vaguely. "Still glad everyone walked out okay, none the worse for wear."

She smiled at him. "I mean, except you because you had to fight with an acid-spitting worm-thing." Which still didn't sound terribly succubus-y. "How'd that fight go?"

From:

rebelseekspizza

"Oh fuck she was disgusting," Dante said, sinking back into his seat. "Talkin' shit and shrieking like a helium balloon on steroids."

From:

spin_kick_snap

Kathy tossed him another piece of candy. It was strawberry-flavored, which was why it had already gone into the 'yes' pile. Don't say she never did anything for you, Dante.

"So, like, what did she say? What do demons usually say? 'Cower before me, mortals' or shit like that?"

From:

rebelseekspizza

"Usually they don't say shit," Dante reported. "This one couldn't stop talking. 'Blah blah piss on your face you fucking trashc--'"

Okay, he finished that whole insult, but the narrative didn't feel like it.

From:

spin_kick_snap

"Wooooow," Kathy said, eyebrows somewhere along her hairline. "That's...she sounds like a piece of fucking work. You give as good as you got or did you just jump right to killing her?"

Though hopefully with fewer insults the narration felt inclined to elide over.

From:

rebelseekspizza

"No point in yelling shit back and forth when I could just drag her out of there and dump her," Dante said.

From:

spin_kick_snap

Not that that had stopped him from sharing fuck yous for awhile.

"So, you said she was suspended from the roof?" Kathy asked. "Over, like, a vat of soda so she could just, like, exude into it or something?"

And exude was now a word that would never not be gross again, thanks unsexy succubus.

"Did you just shoot her a lot, or...?"

From:

rebelseekspizza

"Over a whole ocean of acid," Dante said. "I think she was exuding into those cables. Not sure though. Anyway, I had to rip 'em off one by one, then she fell."

From:

spin_kick_snap

"I really appreciate how this story gets more awful with every new detail you share," Kathy said dryly. "Like, I didn't think it was going to get much worse than there was a succubus mind-controlling people with soda and now there are pits of acid and cables to exude into."

From:

rebelseekspizza

Dante shrugged. "Then she died because she fell into a giant fanblade?" he offered.

From:

spin_kick_snap

Kathy sputtered in her drink. "...Why the fuck was there a fanblade in a giant acid pit?" Kathy Li, asking the real questions.

From:

rebelseekspizza

"I don't know, I'm not a fucking architect."

Dante, giving the real answers.

Edited Date: 2017-03-06 07:16 am (UTC)

From:

spin_kick_snap

Kathy was pretty sure that the demon in charge of Limbo just ran around screaming, 'Hashtag: Aesthetics!' or something.

"So what's next on your agenda then?" she asked, since she likely wasn't going to get a better answer than that out of Dante. "I'm guessing you haven't convinced Mundus to come out just by spiking his soda production."

From:

rebelseekspizza

"Take out Bob Barbas," Dante said. He took a swig of vodka. "Go figure, right? Shitty pundit's a demon."

From:

spin_kick_snap

"The only thing I question about that is the idea more shitty pundits aren't demons in disguise," Kathy said, rolling her eyes. "It would actually make me feel better about how awful they are."