Apartment Above Luke's, Tuesday

[spin_kick_snap]

It was Tuesday. Kathy knew she was supposed to be getting to work sometime this afternoon, doing stock or cleaning or trying to find people to come work for her or any number of countless, pointless projects. She had a routine and routines were important, at least according to what little poking around she'd done on the computer for Helpful tips when you're a basket case. But she couldn't summon the energy to get up off the couch today. Hell, getting out of bed had been a titanic struggle and the only reason she'd managed a shower at all was because she'd sat on the floor of the tub and just let the water run over her for most of it.

It sucked. She'd really thought she was doing better. She'd been okay for a few days there, genuinely happy and smiling and laughing. The kids had been great distractions while they'd been there, but they were gone now, leaving a hole in Kathy's heart and the promise of a future that seemed further away than ever, today. From 'okay' to 'utter distaster' in just twelve hours, only this time she didn't even have the outlet of fighting in Baltimore to try to channel some of this bullshit into. All she had was Hulu and about a million seasons of Hades' Kitchen to get through while she tried very hard not to think about what Saturday had been or her alternate reality daughter with her dead sister's name.

"You're never going to impress him with that mess," she informed the TV from inside her comfy cocoon of blanket. "It looks like you threw up on a plate. Way to just hand the victory to the blue team, ladies, jeez."

[Open, though I'll be off to bed soon.]

Comments

[spin_kick_snap]

Kathy shook her head. "No, Ringo, it's not--" She tugged on her hair. "I didn't mean it like that. I'm just...bitter and miserable. But not at you. Or because of you. That's just kind of what I am now."

[soniaroadsqueen]

Ringo shook her own head. "No, I-- I think I get it. But it's like," Ringo had never been all that great at metaphors, but she was going to try anyway. "It's like you've got a bad cut or a bruise or something, and I just poked it."

Her voice softened. "I should be more careful."

[spin_kick_snap]

"Except I'm all bruises right now," Kathy told her. "Sometimes I don't even know what's going to sting until it happens. And if we avoided every topic that caused a pang, we'd be limited to, like, reality TV or something."

They watched a lot of that in this apartment.

[soniaroadsqueen]

"Maybe I can just kind of, um, be more careful? I mean, like you said, we probably can't avoid all of them, but." Maybe she could at least be more aware of what she was doing, instead of just flailing around?

[spin_kick_snap]

Well, that was probably just a good idea in general.

"I'm just extra sensitive right now, too," Kathy said, though she nodded along with Ringo's idea anyway. "Saturday made it a full year. Not that it feels that way to me."

A year for everyone else. Three months for her.

[soniaroadsqueen]

"Yeah." Ringo's voice was soft. She looked like she might say something, then shook her head.

"I missed you, you know. In case I haven't said it often enough."

She looked a little unsure for a moment, then pushed on. "I'm glad you're back. Any you." She was still trying to figure out the extent of the changes Kathy had undergone, but it didn't feel like Kathy was gone. Just different. And that meant Kathy was still her senpai as far as Ringo was concerned.

[spin_kick_snap]

"There's no limit on how many times you have to say it," Kathy said with a small smile. "But...Ringo...weren't you ever angry at me? Or resentful? Or...whatever? It's okay for you to have complicated feelings about me being back. Or having left in the first place."

[soniaroadsqueen]

"Um."

Ringo considered the question.

"I don't think I was ever angry?" she ventured after a couple of seconds.

"I did feel, I don't know, excluded I guess? Like everyone else knew so much more about what you were doing in LA than I did. Like, uh, like no one felt like I mattered enough to be in on everything everyone else was?"

She shook her head. "But, but, I knew that wasn't really true. That everyone was just, you know, focused on their own stuff."

That last part didn't sound totally convincing, no matter how much Ringo wanted it to be accurate.

[spin_kick_snap]

Kathy looked a little confused. "What was there to know beyond I was fighting zombies?" she asked. She wasn't trying to to invalidate Ringo's feelings, she just had no idea what went on here after she'd left.

[soniaroadsqueen]

Ringo took a deep breath, shaking her head very slightly.

"I didn't know. Um, I mean, about the zombies. Until almost the very end. Just that you were back in LA taking care of something that had unexpectedly come up."

It had been a chaotic time, Ringo knew, and it wasn't really fair to still be hurt about it, but Kathy had asked, and it felt like Kathy deserved her honesty.

[spin_kick_snap]

And Kathy didn't look like she thought Ringo was silly for being upset about it. "You didn't?" she asked. "I'm sorry." She tucked some hair behind her ear and reached for Ringo's hand. "I don't really remember a lot of what I was thinking a year ago. There was so damn much going on. I don't remember if I just wanted to spare you or if I was happy to have someone who wasn't yelling at me to come home or if I just assumed you knew. But I'm sorry that you felt like I thought you weren't important enough to keep in the loop."

[soniaroadsqueen]

Ringo shook her head, feeling suddenly guilty for bringing it up at all. "You-- you had a lot on your mind. And, um, you know, it wasn't that big a deal?"

Or, well, Ringo thought that it shouldn't have been, but even a year later it hurt. Which made her feel silly. Like she was being immature about it all.

Still, her fingers tightened on Kathy's hand, finding comfort in having Kathy here now.

[spin_kick_snap]

"Don't do that," Kathy said, more sharply than she meant. "Don't diminish yourself and what hurts you." God knows, it was a serious case of 'do as I say, not as I do' but whatever. Ringo needed to hear it. "That's how Crazy Apple comes out. You tell yourself that's it's nothing, that there are more important things to worry about, that you're being stupid for no reason, and suddenly you're drowning in feelings you can't work through and she's there to offer you some quiet. Don't."

[soniaroadsqueen]

Her head came up in surprise, and Ringo blinked a couple of times.

"B-but, other people have a lot more to deal with than I do." Her fingers tightened around Kathy's hand. "You have more to deal with."

Which wasn't the point at all, Ringo.

[spin_kick_snap]

Kathy nodded solemnly. Then leaned over and thumped Ringo in the ear. Pretty hard.

[soniaroadsqueen]

Ringo flinched in surprise.

"Ouch!"

Not that it had actually hurt very much, at least not compared to an AirTrek spill, but she rubbed at her ear. "What was that for?"

As if it weren't somehow super-obvious.

[spin_kick_snap]

Kathy pointed to the last vestiges of her road rash. "And that hurt a whole lot," she said. "Does the fact that it hurt more than your thump mean that your thump somehow didn't hurt at all?"

She was ready to give Ringo another one if she said yes.

[soniaroadsqueen]

"Noooo," Ringo sighed, just a little reluctantly.

She was silent for a couple of seconds.

"But if we both went to the doctor, you'd be first in line." Clearly deserving of more attention. Clearly.

[spin_kick_snap]

"I would," Kathy agreed. "But that doesn't mean you wouldn't be seen at all."

[soniaroadsqueen]

Ringo nodded, still looking a little reluctant. But Kathy was right.

She was tempted to point out that that meant she should stay out of the doctor's way while Kathy got dealt with, but she didn't think that'd fly.

[spin_kick_snap]

Did Ringo want to get thumped again? Cause Kathy could thump her again. While bringing up the point that most practices had several doctors working for them which meant that could probably be seen at the same time.

Which would also stretch the metaphor to the breaking point, but whatever. More thumps.

"How you doing now?" she asked.

[soniaroadsqueen]

No, thank you though. Ringo had had enough thumping. For now.

But don't worry, she was sure to deserve more soon enough.

"A little bit better?" she allowed hesitantly. "Sleeping a little better, but still having nightmares." Her fingers clenched and unclenched nervously, as if she wasn't sure what to do with them.

[spin_kick_snap]

Kathy nodded. She knew that feeling well. "I don't have any advice for that," she said softly. "I wish I did. Sorry. I just tend to nap a lot during the day to make up for them."

[soniaroadsqueen]

"I hadn't thought of that. Felt like it was important to, I don't know, keep moving."

Ringo shook her head, then shrugged a bit helplessly.

"What-- What about you?"

[spin_kick_snap]

"Better than I was," Kathy said softly. "But I still feel like I'm drowning, more often than not. Before, I knew where I was going and how to get there. My whole life was this perfectly plotted itinerary. Now, I don't have any of that. I'm lost and I don't even know where I want to go to start figuring out how to get there."