33 Apocalypse Ave, Monday Morning

[spin_kick_snap]

When Kathy had woken up as herself on Sunday, there'd been a letter waiting for her--a letter she'd remembered writing the night before and six years younger.

Dear Kathy,

Thanks for letting me use my room during my stay. I don't think I'll have a chance to meet you, I'm leaving pretty early tomorrow to make it back home. But even if I didn't get to meet you, I still feel like I got to know you some this week. You sound really cool and smart and popular. Everyone was really nice to me and I think it's because I reminded them a little bit of you. I think that's cool, I wouldn't mind being like you when I grow up.

This might be weird, but do you think I could maybe email you sometimes for advice? Nothing major just--you have your whole life together and I'm a mess. It would be nice to have someone to talk to sometimes. But that's probably weird, sorry. You don't have to!

But if you do, you can email me at gymnastflower01@yahoo.com.

Thanks again,
Kathy Li

P.S. You really, really don't have to if you don't want to!

Kathy had read that letter a number of times over the last day, smiling at the old email address she'd used faithfully for years--hell, her original Tumblr handle had been GymnastFlower--and awash in nostalgia. On the one hand, no wonder Sparkle had nicknamed her Mouse; it felt like all she'd done as a kid was apologize to people and blush. On the other hand, it was interesting to see her life now through the eyes of herself then. She'd laugh herself silly if someone told her that she had her life together, but she could see where her younger self had gotten that idea.

If nothing else, it put some things into perspective, which was sometimes hard to come by these days.

[Open for visitors and calls, but with the caveat of 'after I wake up again!']

Comments

[rebelseekspizza]

"I don't even know what that would be like," Dante mused. "Everyone else just wanted me to stop existing, so I started existing just to spite everybody else."

[spin_kick_snap]

"My parents were ready to stomp out any spark of rebellion or spite they saw, before it had a chance to take hold and spread," Kathy said, shaking her head. "I had to leave home for three years before I could grow enough into my own person to not be lost as soon as I went home again."

She laced her fingers with his and chuckled. "What do you think thirteen-year-old you would have made of thirteen-year-old me? Nothing flattering, I'm guessing."

[rebelseekspizza]

"Probably would've tugged your pigtails a lot," Dante said, fond. "You were cute."

[spin_kick_snap]

"And I would have been caught between being thrilled by the attention and wanting to bite you every time you did," Kathy said, laughing. "I'm not sure which would have won out. Possibly feeling really giddy while I bit you and not understanding why."

[rebelseekspizza]

Dante snickered softly. "That's my lil' chompy."

[spin_kick_snap]

Kathy laughed first and only then thought of the zombie association. It still cut off her laughter, but it was better than it had been. She didn't want to cry, for one thing, or worry that it was a subtle dig.

She'd laughed first. She was clinging to that.

"You like it when I bite," she reminded. "Maybe I would have started that whole kink for you. Who knows?"

[rebelseekspizza]

"Hey, I'm not arguing with it," Dante said, kissing the top of her head. "Love the biting."

[spin_kick_snap]

"Good, cause it's here to stay." Kathy leaned in and nipped his throat. Shut up, bad brain associations. You weren't the boss of her. She would bite her boyfriend anytime she wanted.

[rebelseekspizza]

Dante let out a soft sigh, his fingers sliding up into her hair. "Mmkay."

[spin_kick_snap]

Kathy's eyes fluttered closed as his hand found their way up into her hair. That always felt good, whether he was just letting the strands fall through his fingers or winding it tight around his fist. "Feel like you understand me a little more now?" she murmured.

...Not that he ever hadn't, not really.

[rebelseekspizza]

"Nah," Dante said, pressing a kiss against her cheek. "I already knew that stuff. Just sucks harder seeing it."

[spin_kick_snap]

"I'm sorry," she said, shaking her head. "Still, the funniest thing of all of that was how I would have sworn I was happy."

The kind of happiness a caged bird felt, but still. Happy.

[rebelseekspizza]

"Happy like a kid trapped in her own bedroom," Dante said softly.

[spin_kick_snap]

"There's a reason I connected so well with Alluka," Kathy murmured, eyes down. "And why I went to rescue her from her crazy family. My parents gave me more room to roam, but they still wanted to control me just as much."

[rebelseekspizza]

"It's fucked up," Dante said. "I'm sorry I never got a chance to tell them how fucked up this was."

[spin_kick_snap]

"And probably given my dad a heart attack as he realized his daughter was banging this obviously punk white boy who dared to talk back to him," Kathy snorted with amusement, picturing it. "My mom woulda just called me a geol-le-nyeon."

That was...less amusing, yeah.

[rebelseekspizza]

"A geol-what?" Dante said, looking up at her.

[spin_kick_snap]

There were easier words in English to liken it to, but Kathy went with the direct translation. It was easier. "Something along the lines of a 'woman who is like a used rag' or maybe more like 'woman who has been used like a rag.' Either way, someone who's dirty, worn out, fit only for the trash." She spoke lightly, like they were just talking about linguistics.

[rebelseekspizza]

"Jesus fucking christ," Dante muttered.

[spin_kick_snap]

"Mom had opinions," Kathy said, shrugging like it didn't matter. "I was supposed to settle down with a nice Korean boy--maaaaaybe a white guy if he was a wealthy and respectable enough--and start having kids she could tote around and show off. How I was supposed to fit that in with being a doctor escapes me, but that never seemed to bother her. You and Anders would have messed that whole plan up pretty hard."

[rebelseekspizza]

"Definitely would've given her a piece of my fucking mind," Dante said, his mouth twisting.

[spin_kick_snap]

"Like there is even the slightest chance I would have translated that for you if they were nearby," Kathy snorted. "How dumb do I look, Dante?"

[rebelseekspizza]

"What's the worst they coulda done?" Dante retorted. "Disown you?"

[spin_kick_snap]

"I dunno," Kathy admitted. "Maybe. Kept me away from Sarah. But...I dunno. I was raised thinking their approval, their love meant everything. That I was dependent on them for food, clothing, shelter, school. The idea of not having that safety net was terrifying."

She went silent, thinking. "But I think the worst thing wouldn't have been disowning. It would have been not doing that. Keeping me in their house, under their thumb, radiating disapproval at me, refusing to speak to me, letting me know with their every action that I was worthless, a terrible daughter. Disowning me would have meant letting me go. That would have just shredded me until I thought that they were right and justified in how that treated me."

[rebelseekspizza]

"But they couldn't have done that if I was there," Dante said softly. "You'd just come home with me."