Los Angeles, Fandom's Reality, Thursday Afternoon

[spin_kick_snap]

Kathy and Anders (and Ronin!) had arrived in the Los Angeles early Tuesday afternoon and had spent the last two days just being the most stereotypical tourists the city could ask for. There had been tours around Hollywood in double-decker buses (including a fifteen minute span where Kathy white-knuckled Anders' hand as they drove past Paramount Studios), taking pictures of various stars of the Hollywood Walk of Fame, and visited the Korean Bell of Friendship. Everywhere they went, they were surrounded by throngs of people: other tourists, native Angelenos just trying to go about their day, students, even the occasional celebrity. It did Kathy's heart good to see so many people walking the streets, doing their own thing, just living their lives.

But the nightmares were still there. By morning on Thursday, she was reluctantly admitting that, maybe just sticking to tourist spots probably wasn't going to cut it. She wasn't attached to any of these places, not emotionally. They hadn't been her beats, hadn't been where she'd seen the worst of it.

So today, they'd gone to Griffith's Observatory. It had been one of Kathy's favorite places even before Fandom. It had been where Anders had surprised her with prom.

...It had been where she'd spent several weeks in the planetarium tied to a chair, entranced by the projection of the universe, as an ex. So yeah, lots of feelings here.

They wandered through the exhibits for several hours, exploring first the lower level and then working their way up. With every step, Kathy felt a little lighter, a little better. This had been a good idea; the scant memories she had of hunting and eating a gopher, of shambling through the halls to find her way out melting under the press of people and the influx of knowledge and the fun of education.

"This way," she said, tugging Anders' shirt over to the planetarium. It was risky, she knew, considering how much time she'd spent there, but it had been such a good day...

For ten minutes, it was okay. It really was. Sure, there was a chair that made her heart speed up every time she looked at it, but there was plenty to distract her. An elementary school was there, little kids sitting in their chairs, excited for the show to start. A little boy with golden hair much like Anders' was bouncing in his seat, chanting, "Movie! Movie! Movie!" A live-presenter was going through their spiel, hyping up the crowd to prepare for the upcoming show.

And then it went dark and Kathy's stomach lurched. She grabbed onto Anders' hand again, swallowing heavily. No, she was fine, she could do this. She'd been doing so well, she could make it through and it'd all be okay--

The opening strains of music swelled from the speakers and a star shot across the screen above them. And Kathy pushed herself to her feet and darted out the door.

[For that guy!]

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[not_every_mage]

Anders grabbed their bags and scrambled after her, muttering excuse mes as he stumbled over knees. He tasted acid in his mouth.

He should have known not to let her stay at the observatory this long. Or at least the planetarium -- of course that was too much for her.

"Kathy," he hissed, as he followed the exit signs to the dark hallway.

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The door to the ladies room was swinging shut and if Anders put his ear to it, he'd hear the sounds of someone being thoroughly sick.

Not his fault, though. Hers. Too much, too fast.

Several long minutes later, the toilet flusted, the sink ran, and a pale Kathy slipped out into the hallway.

"S-s-sorry," she whispered.

[not_every_mage]

"Nothing to be sorry for," Anders said, going a little pale himself. "I'm worried about you, not me. Are you going to be okay?"

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Kathy nodded, movement a little jerky. "Need some air," she said. "I'm gonna be - I just need a little air to like..."

Full sentences had apparently been suspended for the duration.

[not_every_mage]

Anders reached a hand out to steady her, meaning to take her elbow or wrap his arm around her waist if she'd let him.

"C'mon," he said. "Let's get outside."

Ronin padded up after them, whining about being temporarily forgotten. He nudged his nose at Kathy's hand.

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Kathy patted at him and he followed behind them, careful not to get underfoot. His Person was Distressed, he could tell and he didn't like that.

Anders' arm around her waist, they exited out to the Hollywood sign terrace - the same place she'd met Anders the night he'd brought her prom. The last night things had really been good between them before she died.

"Sorry," she gasped again as they sat, Ronin flopping down at her feet.

[not_every_mage]

"Nothing to be sorry for," Anders murmured, keeping a palm flat against Kathy's back as if to steady her. "That was a little much for you, that's all."

He glanced over the landscape. There were a few differences from prom night -- a misplaced apartment block here, a pet store where there'd been a sushi place before there -- but it was much the same, and circling back to where they'd had a truly perfect night helped him feel that things would be all right.

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"That played over and over when I was here," she explained. "B-Before."

She was pretty sure he knew when. "George put it on as a distraction. All the pretty moving lights and things. I was...quiescent. Until the power went off and the movie stopped."

And then the hunger had risen up, sending her to walk. And feed.

"I spent...I dunno even know how long, just watching that over and over again. Weeks, maybe? Months?" It was hard to say, especially with LA's lack of obvious seasons.

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"How much of it do you remember?" Anders asked, honestly curious.

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"Of the movie?" Kathy asked, confused.

Sorry, Anders, she wasn't firing on all cylinders right now.

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"I meant of the time you spent in there, but of the movie would work if it's easier," Anders offered.

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"I..." Kathy shrugged. "It's all just a blur. There's no real passage of time when you're dead. Normally, I can say, 'Oh, sure, it was about a week, I think,' based on remembering how many sunrises I remember or moon phases or whatever. But in there, it was just the same thing over and over again. Impossible to separate."

[not_every_mage]

"Sounds boring," Anders remarked. "But I guess there wasn't really a you to be bored, was there?"

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"Yeah, not really," Kathy said dryly. "Part of the whole zombie thing."

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"Should have thought of that," Anders said, a little embarrassed that he'd gone down the whole line of questioning.

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She nudged him with a shoulder. "It's okay. You don't really get it. No one does. Hell, I don't sometimes. It's all a big jumble of memories and belated reactions to memories and putting my consciousness into a place that consciousness wasn't originally and...it's complicated."

And the only other person who knew what that was like was dead, a universe away.

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"You said it," Anders agreed. "And I don't always know what to say about it because it's just so huge and terrifying, but I want to be here with you."

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Kathy shrugged again, not dismissing him, just...tired, mostly. The adrenaline was draining out of her system, bit by bit, and leaving exhaustion in its wake. "Letting me talk about it is big," she said. "Even if it just feels like I'm rehashing old ground. Helping me stay grounded is another one, like, giving me stuff to focus on that's the here and now, not then and there. That's kinda what Ronin does as a service dog."

[not_every_mage]

Anders nodded in understanding. "So right now, do you want to talk about it, or do you want me to point out things in the here and now? Because there's a gorgeous man over there who looks about to take his shirt off. Wouldn't mind focusing on him for a minute."

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"Wait, where?" Kathy asked, head snapping up.

Good distraction, Anders.

[not_every_mage]

Anders gestured with two fingers. "Over there, in the blue tank with the running shorts. He's been tugging on the hem."

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"Oooh, he is pretty," Kathy said, focusing on the runner while her brain tried to slam certain doors shut. "I like that we can do this. Look at hot guys together. But it's not, like, weird."

The way it would have been in the relationship she'd always assumed she'd have growing up.

[not_every_mage]

"It's why everyone should date someone who likes both," Anders said idly. "Dante and I are lucky. We can look at girls together, look at boys with you..."

He trailed off there. The runner had finally removed the shirt, and his abs were distracting.

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"Hey, I'm happily on board the 'girls are pretty' train," Kathy said. "I'll just probably be looking at - guh."

Seriously, someone needed to laundry on those abs.

[not_every_mage]

"Hmm?" Anders asked, with an innocently arched eyebrow. "Were you saying something?"

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"Nothing very important," Kathy said, managing to peel her eyes off the guy - oh, now he was pouring water over himself, that wasn't even fair - and onto her boyfriend.

On the plus side? She was definitely not panicking right now.

[not_every_mage]

Anders slung an arm over her shoulder, pleased by how thoroughly the attempt at distraction had worked. "Do you want to stay here and watch hot people for a while, or go someplace else?"

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"Let's watch for a little while longer?" Kathy asked. "Then maybe go back to the hotel and order room service? I think I'm done playing tourist for the day."

She was tired, truth be told. Even more tired than she was hungry.

[not_every_mage]

"Sounds perfect," Anders said, resting his head on her shoulder. "Do you think they have hot fudge sundaes? I want a sundae."

[spin_kick_snap]

"We sprang for the good hotel so they'd better," Kathy groused. "Hot fudge sundaes with at least three kinds of ice cream available."

[not_every_mage]

"Now I know why we went for the expensive hotel," Anders said lightly. "I thought it might just be about the big shower."

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"I mean, it could be two things," Kathy said. "I got spoiled by that hotel where you were a god-king or whatever."

[not_every_mage]

"I'm still a little disappointed that hasn't happened again yet," Anders remarked. "You'd think Portalocity would add a God-king upgrade to everything I book through them now."

[spin_kick_snap]

"You should complain. Did we ever get the name of the guy they all thought you were? Just use his account for everything."

Only to end up the targets of some interstellar hit squad, probably.

[not_every_mage]

"I found it, but it didn't help much," Anders told her. "It was mostly numbers and some clicking sounds. Plus it was about 25 words long. I don't think I can use a name I'm not sure how to pronounce."

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"On the plus side, who's to say you're pronouncing it wrong?" Kathy pointed out. "Someone gonna come and say, 'Nah, the stress goes on the third click'?"

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"Fair point," Anders said. "I'd say they might catch on and send goons after us, but to go by what happened at that hotel, the other me must have so much money he'd never notice anything we did as long as we don't start buying entire planets."

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"Although, now I'm thinking how cool it would be to get a planet for my birthday," Kathy teased. "Just saying, if you're ever stumped for gift ideas."

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Anders snorted a laugh. "Does it have to be a planet we can visit, or is one of the little ones that's mostly rocks and lava all right?"

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"It has to be at least big enough that I can oversee it's development," Kathy decided. "You know, go from rocks and lava all the way up to trees and water and four-legged creatures and stuff."

Terraforming was cool. She would be like unto a god!

[not_every_mage]

"Are you bringing those in, or just waiting a few million years so they evolve?" Anders asked.

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"I figure living organisms would be what I got for Christmas," Kathy explained with a very sincere nod.

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"Of course," Anders said, eyes sparkling. "What good is a planet if you don't have plants and animals to put on it?"

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"Really, it's like home decorating but on a really big scale," Kathy declared. "The ultimate Facebook game but for real."

[not_every_mage]

"Oh, did you find another good game?" Anders asked, momentarily distracted from Project Cheer Up Kathy. "I got stuck on the one I was playing and now I think I'm bored."

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"Nothing new," Kathy admitted, disappointed. "Though my dress-up game and my cooking game are still going strong."