Dante's House, Limbo City, Sunday

[spin_kick_snap]

Last night after finally exiting the tower, they had made their way back to Dante's place in Limbo City. Kathy had been half-tempted to get a portal back to the island, worried about Eliot, wanting to be home, but she'd been too sore and exhausted to do much more than look at her phone before letting it fall back to pocket.

At least her texts to Raven had gone through, even if she probably seemed like a madwomen in them.

Exhausted as she was, she didn't manage to sleep much past sunrise. Too many thoughts, too many memories, too many feelings crowding close to keep her asleep. She got up, limping a little unevenly downstairs, scrounging to see what kind of breakfast she could make from the remains in the kitchen.

The answer was apparently coffee, so she set that to perking and went to sit in front of the big window, staring out at the street, eyes blank and seeing very little.

[For them who are in Limbo City with her! SP for forever because BDE and also brain.]

Comments

[rebelseekspizza]

"No, I just don't let fear stop me from making a single fucking decision in my life," Dante snarled. (It was a time to let it all out, wasn't it?) "You want me to spend the rest of my life like you're doing right now? Spinning in place 'cause at least you know you can survive whatever on Fandom? I know what I want. Anders knows what he wants. All you got is fear."

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"Actually, I have a life," Kathy said, tightly. Her knuckles were white, fists balled at her side. "I have a life I have painfully rebuilt one step at a fucking time. Yes, I am afraid. I'm afraid of a lot of things, but I'm still getting my shit together bit by bit. Sorry during all our talks, I hadn't picked up that you were judging me for it."

She stood, wanting to push past him and go but having literally nowhere she could go. The kitchen, maybe?

[rebelseekspizza]

And Dante wanted to snap back at her. He felt fucked up and in pain and he wasn't sure how to deal with it around her but she'd been swinging at him, and--

He had no punches left.

"I wasn't. I don't," he said, voice going quieter. "I just don't wanna lose you too."

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"But you nearly did," Kathy pointed out. She wasn't yelling anymore, either. If she yelled, she'd cry and she didn't want to cry right now. The tears were hovering too close for comfort anyway. "The only reason I survived getting thrown off the roof by your brother the first time is because Barry made me a grappling gun to use as Banzai."

She was alive now because of superheroing. The irony was palpable.

[rebelseekspizza]

"I'm sorry about all the shit that he pulled. I really am," Dante said quietly. "But you're right. You did just survive the absolute fucking worst Limbo City could throw at you. I didn't lose you today because you are a fucking badass."

It wasn't said as praise so much as it was a statement of a fact.

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"I'm not," Kathy said, shaking her head. "And I'm not--I'm not mad about Vergil. I mean, I'm furious at Vergil, but I'm not blaming you for what he did. Hell, he's, like, fourth on my radar of fucked up things that happened to me yesterday."

Though the sensation of hurtling through the empty air with nothing to catch her and exactly one chance to survive was going to linger.

She sank back down again, drawing her knees up to her forehead. "I'm not even supposed to be yelling at you. I'm supposed to be giving you space and understanding while you and Anders work through how you feel."

God, she was a shit girlfriend.

[rebelseekspizza]

"We're all not supposed to be doing a whole load of things," Dante said.

Watching her, again.

[spin_kick_snap]

She still didn't like it. She felt exposed and raw and anxious and, yes, afraid. She wasn't a badass, she was just a stupid, stupid girl feeling way too much about shit that didn't even concern her, grieving all over again for someone that hadn't even been hers to begin with.

"I don't know how to give you want you want."

[rebelseekspizza]

"You need safe, I get that," Dante said quietly.

[spin_kick_snap]

"Yeah," she said, dully. "Maybe I'm spinning in place, but sometimes knowing I can survive whatever on Fandom is all I've got. It's what gets me through the day."

[rebelseekspizza]

"It drives me insane," Dante said, just as dull. "Like it's wearing away on my fucking edges a little more every day and if I don't get out soon I'm gonna stop feeling a goddamn thing."

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"You think I don't know that?" Kathy asked, turning to look at him. "That I don't see it? You think I haven't thought, even once, about begging you guys to stay, to not leave me? But I didn't, because I know it's killing you and I never wanted to put you in the position of having to make that choice."

It was a shitty position to be in and a shitty choice to make. So she'd kept it for herself.

[rebelseekspizza]

Dante shrugged.

Just... shrugged, his shoulders dropping heavily after he raised them.

"This is me, Kat," he said quietly. "This is my home."

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"When have I ever argued against that?" she asked.

It just wasn't hers.

[rebelseekspizza]

"I never said you did," Dante said.

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"Then I don't know what you're getting at," Kathy said, closing her eyes. "I know you want to go. I've spent the whole summer tying myself in knots trying to make me want it, too. The best I've got is not blaming you for needing to leave. I'm sorry I'm a coward, I'm sorry I need safety, I'm sorry that I'm still just working on survival, okay? I'm sorry I'm never whatever it is you need, I'm just not."

[rebelseekspizza]

"I'm sorry I can't be what you need here, either," Dante said quietly. "I'm sorry that being with me is gonna mean you're going to have a little bit of this place no matter how much you hate it."

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"I can do a little bit," Kathy said, with a laugh that cracked in half. "Shit, I can even do some. I just can't do all."

Not yet. Maybe not ever.

"Not being here, not being with you was never in the cards."

[rebelseekspizza]

"I just can't promise you safe, Kat," Dante said. "I'm not feral anymore but I'm not a housecat, either."

[spin_kick_snap]

"And if I were a different person, I'd let you keep me safe," Kathy said. "I'd be the happy homemaker, staying in the house all the time, content to let you and Anders live while I stayed put and prayed that no demons ever got the bright idea of attacking you directly here."

Hell, for a few months after she'd gotten back, she would have liked nothing more.

"But I'm not. I'd go just as stir-crazy trying to do that as you would living on the island. Because I want a life, too."

[rebelseekspizza]

"I think you can have a life here," Dante said quietly. "I think you stand your ground just fine. Better than most people in this city."

He shrugged.

"But I can't make you feel that way."

[spin_kick_snap]

"You can't, she agreed, shaking her head. If I tried right now, I'd be trying for you." She sighed, staring out the window again. "If you said that our relationship depends on me moving here, my shit would be packed tomorrow and I'd be picking out what room is mine in this place. But it wouldn't be good, it wouldn't be healthy, and I'd come to resent you for it. Same as you, if I begged you to stay."

[rebelseekspizza]

"I'm probably gonna be here for the rest of my life," Dante said, after a long pause. "We're gonna have to deal with that sometime."

Another pause.

"But not today."

[spin_kick_snap]

Not today. Kathy had a whole slew of things she was trying to wrap her head around that still got her hackles up, but they were all under the heading of 'not today.'

They'd somehow wrapped themselves in an uneasy truce and Kathy was unwilling to break it again.

"Well, no matter what happens, I'm still willing to try," she said, voice soft. "And--I'm sorry. This isn't how I wanted the morning to go. This wasn't how I wanted to be."

[rebelseekspizza]

"But you are," Dante said, "And I am."

He shrugged again.

"We can't apologize for that."