Apartment Above Lukes, Friday Afternoon

[spin_kick_snap]

Kathy was prepping for Pride over the weekend. Most of the merchandise she was planning for the booth had already been boxed up at the store, but she was folding pamphlets and making bracelets out of embroidery floss and beads that she'd picked up from Hobby Lobby when she'd taken a trip over there to discuss which store was going to hand out the birth control. The bracelets all corresponded with the various Pride flags; it was like an eighth grade craft project up in here.

But it was fun and relaxing and made for nice breaks between constant pamphlet folding while still letting her feel like she was being productive. Win/win.

Comments

[vdistinctive]

"Maybe you should look into the community center classes, if we've got any in the fall. Learnin' doesn't have to be directed towards a degree. Might be good right now to just try a bunch of stuff casually, see what really hooks you."

Something else occurred to him.

"Do you have a guitar?"

[spin_kick_snap]

"Not yet," Kathy said, shaking her head. "Getting one seemed like I was committed to it. "

And there was still that whole 'needing to talk to Dante about it' because she was still a little weird about things. More hesitant and worried and afraid.

"I'll probably go and get one some time this week, then, if we're gonna meet on Friday?"

[vdistinctive]

Eliot smiled. "Would you look at that, two goals for the week."

[spin_kick_snap]

Kathy picked up another sandwich--her fourth of the afternoon. Looked like her appetite was picking up again, too.

"Not gonna lie, I feel a little bit twitchy about it."

[vdistinctive]

"The trick will be workin' past that and doin' things anyway."

[spin_kick_snap]

"It was easier before I knew just how much there was to be afraid of," Kathy muttered into her sandwich.

[vdistinctive]

"Just means you're gonna be smarter going about it," Eliot said. "I'm sure you know by now that bein' brave ain't about not being afraid."

[spin_kick_snap]

"No, but sometimes I'm pretty sure it's about being stupid," Kathy said ruefully. "I went patrolling for demons the other day, did I mention that?"

[vdistinctive]

Eliot frowned slightly. "No. Did you find any?"

[spin_kick_snap]

"Yeah," Kathy said. "They're rife in Limbo City."

Beat.

"I wasn't alone."

[vdistinctive]

"Limbo City's where Dante's from, right?" Eliot wondered if he was reading a defensiveness into her tone. "How'd it go?"

She didn't seem injured -- and clearly wasn't dead -- so he was willing to bet they'd won.

[spin_kick_snap]

That was one of the many emotions in the cocktail that was Kathy right now. Defensiveness at her choice to go patrolling. Ruefulness. Anger. A smidgen of pride. Worry he'd disapprove. Frustration that anyone got to.

It was complicated.

"Yeah," Kathy said. "The place with the cops." She figured he'd remember the time she walked into Luke's and burst into tears. "Well, not so many cops anymore. A lot of them were working for Mundus, the Demon King."

She took a bite of her sandwich, teeth snapping shut over the bread and pears. "It went...well?" she said, chewing quickly. "I killed a few things while Dante hung back and watched."

[vdistinctive]

Eliot nodded. "Good." Like he was going to judge anyone for killing things. "Sounds like it was a decent time."

[spin_kick_snap]

"Except for how I spent the whole morning leading up to it freaking out, then the fighting in this haze of, like, joy, and then broke down the minute it was all over and threw up and cried all over Dante," Kathy said, lip curling at her own ridiculousness.

[vdistinctive]

Eliot winced sympathetically. "That the first time you've fought to the death since. . . ?"

[spin_kick_snap]

Kathy shook her head. "I was there when Dante fought Mundus and Limbo crashed into the real world, letting all the demons free," she said.

Oops. Hadn't she mentioned that?

"But it was, like, just a few weeks after I...got back." Six months later and she still wasn't sure how to refer to her resurrection. "I was still all messed up. But, honestly, that was the first time I really felt like my old self, I think. Hard to say. Everything was kinda foggy."

[vdistinctive]

Eliot nodded. "You were still at least partially in full-siege mode," he guessed. "Now you've had time to breath, get some space, and maybe start to feel a little safe again." He leaned back, resting his arm across the back of the couch behind her. "You know, this is all perfectly normal. Even if you hadn't been killed, back home, you'd likely still be experiencing stuff like this. A lot of soldiers do."

[spin_kick_snap]

"Then why do I still want to do it?" Kathy asked, temper flaring. "With everything it cost me, with everything I put everyone else through, why am I still so selfish as to still love doing it so much? Why can't I learn?!"

[vdistinctive]

Eliot sighed and looked away. There was too much to unpack in all that that he wasn't qualified to tackle, and it took him awhile to respond. When he finally spoke, it was quiet, the kind of even, steady tone he only used when a subject was hitting too close to his own cold past.

"What exactly do you think you shoulda learned?"

[spin_kick_snap]

Like father, like daughter?

"Not to do stuff like that again," Kathy snapped, not frustrated at the question but herself for being so...so...so her. "To not want to do it! I should be sitting in my house, grateful that I don't have to patrol anymore, not leaping on the first opportunity to do it that I'm handed!"

[vdistinctive]

Eliot raised an eyebrow. "You're not an addict, Kathy. And even if you were, would you get mad at a recovering alcoholic for still wantin' a beer, even if they know it ain't good for 'em?"

[spin_kick_snap]

"For wanting?" Kathy asked. "No. But for taking it? Maybe?"

Look, hadn't you realized yet that she wasn't a very nice person, Eliot?

[vdistinctive]

Eliot nodded, looking away again. "Let's try it this way. You know why I never use a gun?"

[spin_kick_snap]

"Because they make it too easy to kill," Kathy said. "It's distant and you can say you're not killing anyone, you're just pulling the trigger?"

[vdistinctive]

"All that's true," Eliot said, looking down at his hands. "But it ain't the most important reason." He took a deep breath, buying himself a moment to work out how much he needed to tell her to get the message home, without forever destroying how she saw him. "I don't use guns because using one is how I hit rock bottom."