Apartment Above Luke's, Tuesday

[spin_kick_snap]

It was Tuesday. Kathy knew she was supposed to be getting to work sometime this afternoon, doing stock or cleaning or trying to find people to come work for her or any number of countless, pointless projects. She had a routine and routines were important, at least according to what little poking around she'd done on the computer for Helpful tips when you're a basket case. But she couldn't summon the energy to get up off the couch today. Hell, getting out of bed had been a titanic struggle and the only reason she'd managed a shower at all was because she'd sat on the floor of the tub and just let the water run over her for most of it.

It sucked. She'd really thought she was doing better. She'd been okay for a few days there, genuinely happy and smiling and laughing. The kids had been great distractions while they'd been there, but they were gone now, leaving a hole in Kathy's heart and the promise of a future that seemed further away than ever, today. From 'okay' to 'utter distaster' in just twelve hours, only this time she didn't even have the outlet of fighting in Baltimore to try to channel some of this bullshit into. All she had was Hulu and about a million seasons of Hades' Kitchen to get through while she tried very hard not to think about what Saturday had been or her alternate reality daughter with her dead sister's name.

"You're never going to impress him with that mess," she informed the TV from inside her comfy cocoon of blanket. "It looks like you threw up on a plate. Way to just hand the victory to the blue team, ladies, jeez."

[Open, though I'll be off to bed soon.]

Comments

[spin_kick_snap]

"It's open," Kathy called back, because getting up, even for Anders, was a little beyond her right now.

She half-wished she's done something more with her hair than pull it back in a messy ponytail after getting out of the shower, but, eh, effort. Somehow she doubted messy hair and an over-sized t-shirt would be enough to send Anders fleeing into the sunset.

[not_every_mage]

Anders let himself in with a quick smile for Kathy, not seeming bothered by her clothes or hair, and crossed to sit next to her on the couch. "Hi," he said. "I thought you might be having a hard time today, and I didn't want you to be having it alone, so ... hi."

[spin_kick_snap]

Anders, it was okay if Kathy just kind of launched herself at you, right? Curled up around you, maybe hid her face in your shoulder for awhile? Because that was definitely her plan for as soon as he finished speaking.

"I...yeah," she admitted, voice muffled. "I--Saturday was always going to be hard, but there were kids so I wanted to be cool, but then her name was Sarah--"

[not_every_mage]

Anders looped his hands around her waist, kissing the top of her head as she spoke.

"I know," he said, comforting as he could manage. "Had a bit of her aunt's attitude, too, didn't she?"

[spin_kick_snap]

"Oh god did she," Kathy said, with a hiccupy laugh that was almost a sob. "They both did. All did? I don't even know."

She squeezed her eyes shut and several tears fell down her face. "She's been gone for a year. A whole year, Saturday. And I--" She didn't want to talk about what Saturday would have been for her, too. Except for how she kind of did. It was all very confusing and complicated. "It's just hard," she finished, instead. "Just so stupidly hard."

[not_every_mage]

Anders didn't speak for a long moment, just squeezed Kathy and rocked with her to say there, there.

"I didn't realize it had been exactly a year," he said, feeling stupid and guilty for not having known without being told. "The days .. they ran into each other for me. I don't think I knew what day it was for a couple weeks."

[spin_kick_snap]

Kathy nodded against him. "Yeah," she said. "It's why I was so grateful to crash with you guys after prom. I mean, I also wanted to spend time with you two and t was fun, just shooting the shit like we used to, but...I didn't want to wake up Saturday alone, either. It was going to be a rough day, but being with you both...helped."

It was the best day it could have been, with that lurking in her mind.

[not_every_mage]

"I'm glad," Anders nodded. Privately, he was almost glad he hadn't remembered -- if he had, he would have spent the night worrying about how Kathy might be feeling too much to relax and enjoy himself. And it sounded like a normal night free of that was exactly what Kathy had needed.

He twisted a strand of her hair around his finger. "And I'm glad being with Dante helped, too. I never want you to feel pushed to the side."

[spin_kick_snap]

And she would have spent all night worrying that he was only with her because of that, rather than because he wanted to be and it just would have been terrible all the way down. Much better this way.

"Dante is my friend, no matter what else happens between us or doesn't," she said quietly. "I think I came closest to crying on Saturday when Kate said you both named her for me because I was your very best friend. Not just yours but both of you and..." She was sniffling again. Clearly today was a waterworks day.

[not_every_mage]

"I think Kate knew what she was talking about," Anders said quietly. "Dante's having a hard time with you sometimes, but there's nobody closer to him, other than me. Besides, I wouldn't name a girl after anybody else."

[spin_kick_snap]

"I'm sorry there's a world you had to name her for me at all," Kathy said, managing to get a stranglehold over her tears by sheer ruthlessness. "I'd say I'm too young to be carrying around so much regret, but days like today, I feel about a century."

If she crawled any closer, she'd be in his lap.

"How you doing?" she asked. "With the girls gone and all, I mean."

[not_every_mage]

Anders shrugged as he kept petting her hair. "I'm all right. I don't think I'm made to have four girls all at once, at least not yet. But even if they're a massive headache, it's always a little sad when they leave."

[spin_kick_snap]

"On Monday, I sent three of them down to bug their grandpa while I took a nap," she admitted, leaning into that petting like she were Lachlan or Blondie. It felt so nice. "Kids are exhausting, even the twins who are old enough to look out for themselves."

[not_every_mage]

"I think that made them more exhausting," Anders said, shaking his head. "They ganged up on us like -- wait. Grandpa?"

Anders knew Kathy was close to Eliot, sure, but he'd missed the unofficial adoption.

[spin_kick_snap]

Right. Which meant he'd missed everything. Kathy had some catching him up to do.

"Oh, uhhh, yeah," she said, looking up at him. "Eliot and I talked about a lot of stuff when I...I should start from the beginning." And not just jump to the 'I got taken into custody but don't worry, I wasn't arrested' part of the story. "So, umm, I'm not part of that fighting ring anymore. It got shut down by the cops the week after we got back from Limbo City. It sucks that I've lost that outlet, but I decided not to go looking for another one."

[not_every_mage]

Anders, who had visibly tensed as soon as Kathy mentioned the fighting group, relaxed at the end of the story.

"Good," he said firmly. "I talked to Dante and now I understand why it helped you a little better, but you know how much I hate the idea. Glad it's over."

He nudged her with an elbow. "So, Eliot cheered you up after you got kicked out by the cops, something like that? And now he's dad?"

[spin_kick_snap]

"It's more that he came to get me after I was picked up by the cops," she said. "They arrested most of the people there, but thought I was underage, because I had a fake and couldn't remember if I was eighteen or nineteen."

Consequence of missing your birthday and most of your eighteenth year.

"So they looked at me and figured I was some young idiot kid in need of guidance and told me to call an adult. I called Eliot, he picked me up, we had a fight and I said, 'You're not my dad!' or something equally trite..." She flushed, embarrassed to have practically followed the script for an after school special. "And he told me that he kind of felt like it. That he grieved for me like I was his own when I died. He's not Dad, I can't call him that...but he's more than just Eliot. It's weird. But good weird."

Her relationship with Eliot (and to a lesser extent, Parker and Hardison) were probably the one thing completely positive thing in her life right now.

[not_every_mage]

"I'd definitely agree with weird," Anders said, studying her. He was annoyed she hadn't told him sooner, but that seemed a bit beside the point -- and anyhow, they hadn't seen each other much lately and it wasn't the kind of news to spoil prom night with. "If you're happy about it, I'm happy. Though he's a little intimidating as a father-in-law."

[spin_kick_snap]

Or a great topic to bring up in front of the kids. 'So, I know what the inside of a precinct looks like...'

"Father-in-law, huh?" Kathy asked, a small smile on her face. "Now who's got expectations for the future." She gently headbutted his shoulder to show that she was just teasing. "Still, I'm definitely feeling the lack," she continued quietly. "There's all this tension growing and no release. So I get days like today when everything is just one big I can't."

[not_every_mage]

"'Girlfriend's dad' seemed awkward!," Anders protested, with a grin, and then rubbed the spot she'd head butted thoughtfully. "Hmm. If you need a release, I'm not sure whether I should drag you off to bed, or tell you to take up running."

[spin_kick_snap]

"It's me," she reminded him. "I run. Believe me, I run. But running doesn't take my brain away. Not for awhile anyway."

She licked her lips, trying to find a way to word it. "Until I'm exhausted and aching, there's nothing about running that requires the totality of my concentration the way fighting did." Or sex did, but she didn't want him to feel obligated about having sex with her. "I can't outrun my brain, sadly."

[not_every_mage]

Anders frowned a bit and said what had been in the back of his mind since she told him about fight club.

"It's strange to me that you get that kind of comfort out of hurting other people," he said. "It's you, like you said."

[spin_kick_snap]

"A lot of it is more about getting hit than hitting someone else," Kathy said, drawing her knees up and tucking her chin on top of them. "But...yeah. Some of it is hitting. Hurting. Taking all the stupid shit that's inside of me and pushing it out. But that's what we were all there for, so it was okay. I always liked taking people down more than I should, even as Banzai. Not the hurting but the winning."

[not_every_mage]

Anders looked at her for a minute, spark of recognition in his eyes.

"I always thought you were a little better than the rest of us that way," he admitted. "I knew you liked the helping people. I didn't realize you liked the winning, too."

[spin_kick_snap]

Kathy shook her head. "You don't know how people would laugh," she said. "They'd see some skinny girl in rainbows, some--" some Saturday morning cartoon, she almost said, but didn't "--someone they didn't have to take seriously. Someone they didn't take seriously. And then I would run them down, even in their fancy cars, or I would drop down off a rooftop and corner them--and at the end, it would be me who was laughing," she said fiercely. "Me. They could have guns or knives or bats, but I'd still be the one standing in the end. And they wouldn't laugh at me anymore. And it felt good."