Apartment Above Luke's, Thursday Afternoon

[spin_kick_snap]

Kathy was sitting crosslegged in her living room, surrounded by a truly staggering number of anatomically-shaped lollipops, hard candies, and other confections. It turned out that the company that had supplied Dite's with chocolates and candy had gone out of business and multiple other companies had sent samples to the store in hopes of scoring the contract. Kathy...wasn't sure what it said about the store or the island that it was considered a lucrative enough market for a number of stores to go to this much trouble.

But, she was determined to be a good manager and if that meant spending the afternoon trying a ridiculous amount of sexy candy to decide which she liked best, well, she was up to the task. As long as she took breaks for real food every few hours, she should be okay, right? And she had a pen and paper to record her observations (and had come up with several criteria to judge them on), making this all legit and aboveboard and not just an excuse to gorge out on penis-shaped candy all day.

So far, she'd noticed that the sour gummy boobs made the cut on her lip burn and the mold for one of the companies tended to make their chocolates look more like melted candles than anything sexy. Oh, and another company used cheap chocolate that tended to flake off which was just NOT attractive in something meant to simulate body parts. It was this kind of attention to detail that separated the good managers from the mediocre, see?

[Open! But probably slow as I'm still in training, so who knows what my schedule will be when this finally posts. Link to Anders' thread.]

Comments

[spin_kick_snap]

"Got into a fight in Baltimore," she admitted reluctantly. "But not how you're thinking. I wasn't--This guy shoved me out of the way so he could run off with some lady's purse. I didn't feel like getting shoved."

She hadn't gone looking for the fight. Hadn't tried to be a hero about it. But she couldn't say she'd minded the opportunity to hit someone a few times.

[not_every_mage]

Anders wasn't sure that was the whole story, but he decided he didn't want to know. Kathy was fine, and from the look in her eyes she wasn't eager to repeat the experience.

"I don't blame you," he said. "Tell me you got the purse back for her, and I'll call it worth it."

[spin_kick_snap]

"I did," Kathy said. Then winced. "Unfortunately she recognized me. Called me Banzai. I...I told her she was wrong."

[not_every_mage]

"Yeah," Anders said softly. "You don't need to get back into that. Not yet, anyhow."

[spin_kick_snap]

"I'm not," Kathy said, shaking her head. "I can't. It's--"

It was too much and not enough, too good and too awful, and all at the same time. She didn't know if she ever could go back to being Banzai.

"Dante told her I was dead," she mumbled. "I told her he was right."

[not_every_mage]

Anders hesitated.

"Don't know what else you could have said," he said finally. "'I got better'? 'He was wrong'? Anything you said would just make her ask more questions."

[spin_kick_snap]

Kathy nodded. "She'd never seen me without the mask anyway. It just seemed easier to not explain."

And not just because explaining resurrection would be complicated.

"I didn't want to explain. Not any of it. Easier to just leave it all behind."

[not_every_mage]

Anders frowned; it sounded like Kathy was talking about something deeper than the pragmatics of it.

"Do you think you can?" he asked. "You don't sound very happy about it."

[spin_kick_snap]

Kathy shrugged. "I loved being Banzai. Even when everything was terrible and I was scared out of my wits, I loved it. Being her helped me learn how to be me. I could have heroed for years." She was hugging herself know, arms wrapped around her knees. "But I died because of it. My family died. I shattered what I had with you and with Dante and even with Ezra. I broke people's hearts because of it. I don't know if I can go back to being Banzai again. Or even heroing in general. It's all mixed up in my head."

She looked at him. "I think...I think it would be like if you'd successfully summoned that demon and then had to decide whether you were ever going to use magic again."

[not_every_mage]

"Now it's all mixed up in mine, too," Anders complained lightly, and sighed. "I'm selfish. I want you to never do anything dangerous ever again. But I want you to be happy, and even if I didn't, I can't exactly tell you what to do."

[spin_kick_snap]

"And yet..." Kathy sighed. "And yet, you could. Because I miss the way we were so much that you could tell me and I'd listen. Which is why I know we can't have that. Not yet. Because that kind of thinking--it's unhealthy. I'd become resentful and angry and..." She gave a shaky laugh. "I can't go after what I want because I want it too much. Isn't that a bitch?"

[not_every_mage]

"So you can't sleep with me because you want to sleep with me."

That ... didn't make sense to Anders, no. (And while he appreciated Kathy's sentiment here, sometimes one had to cut to the chase.)

[spin_kick_snap]

"I didn't say anything about not sleeping with you!"

Yo, Kathy, chill.

She sighed and scrubbed a frustrated hand over her face. "Or, rather, I'm not sure. I want to. Fuck do I want to. But I also can't try to rush into anything with you. I'm waaaaay too fucked up for that, to say nothing about where you are. But right now, if you dangled the hope of it being like March again in front of me, there are a whole lot of hoops I'd jump through to get that chance. And that's...that's not a good place to be in."

And she wasn't sure she could keep sex and emotions separate. Not with Anders.

Of course, it wasn't like emotions weren't already involved and complicated, so saying no to sex would net her exactly nothing.

Why was everything always so complicated.

[not_every_mage]

"Hey, I didn't mean right this second," Anders said, nudging her with his foot. "I'm not sure what to do either. As much as I want you, I can't promise it'd be just like it was last spring. And it doesn't sound like you want to just try it out and see where it goes. So ... I guess we keep our clothes on until we sort that out."

That was, after all, the mature thing to do. It just didn't sound like much fun.

[spin_kick_snap]

"We could do that," Kathy hedged. "God knows it's probably also the smart thing to do. " She brushed her hair away from her face. "But I want you, Anders. And with everything I can't have and everything I shouldn't have, it's pretty hard to say no to the one thing I can."

She gave him a crooked smile, hoping he wouldn't see the uncertainty in her eyes. "Which, in case you were wondering, is you, naked, wherever and however I can get you."

[not_every_mage]

"... I wasn't expecting you to say that," Anders said, but his eyes were dark with interest. "You're sure? I'm not trying to talk you into anything."

[spin_kick_snap]

'Sure' wasn't exactly the word Kathy would use. After all, her proposal that they just sleep together casually had worked wonderfully the last time. And that wasn't even getting into Dante and feelings and all the rest of it.

But between that and nothing at all, well, Kathy didn't see much of a choice.

"You don't need to talk me into anything," she said with a casual shrug. "It's what I want. I don't know how well it lines up with what you want, but I'm laying my cards on the table, I guess."

[not_every_mage]

"I want the 'seeing each other naked' part," Anders said, with a quick flash of a grin. "But -- if we're laying our cards on the table -- I'm not sure I'm ready to start tonight. I feel a little sticky from the candy and milkshake, and the last thing I want is bad sex if it's your first time in a while."

Besides, he had just enough uncertainty in his mind to want to be sure it was more than an impulse.

[spin_kick_snap]

"And here I thought my 'seduce Anders with ridiculous amounts of candy' idea would be a shoo-in," Kathy said with a laugh that she hoped wasn't as self-conscious as she felt. "Ah well. Another time then."

[not_every_mage]

"Not that watching you chew on a candy thong isn't incredibly sexy," Anders said, with a self-conscious laugh of his own as he held a hand out to Kathy. "I don't know how I'm holding back."

[spin_kick_snap]

"We at Dite's Decadent Delights strive to imbue sexy into everything we do," she said, talking his hand in hers. "You must have a resolve of steel to be able to withstand all this."

And that was what she was going to cling to, rather than letting all her doubts and insecurities try to convince her it was anything different.

[not_every_mage]

"Willpower is my strongest suit," Anders said, barely managing to keep a straight face, and leaned in to kiss her. He wasn't about to miss his chance to do at least that much.

[spin_kick_snap]

"Li--" The kiss probably shouldn't have taken her by surprise and yet it did anyway. There was a moment when she stood still in shock, mouth firm and unyielding, and then that moment was gone and she was kissing Anders with everything she had, telling him with lips, teeth, and tongue everything she was too hesitant to say aloud. One hand slid into his hair, the other wound around his neck to hold him closer as she used every scrap of memory she had to turn this kiss into a wild, explosive conflagration.

He didn't have to want her tonight. But she was still going to try to send him home aching.

[not_every_mage]

Well. If he'd surprised Kathy with the kiss, she'd more than returned the surprise with how quickly and thoroughly she'd intensified the kiss. His hands went to her waist, clenching tightly at the fabric of her shirt.

He was breathing heavily when they pulled apart too stunned to speak beyond a soft, "... Kathy!"

[spin_kick_snap]

"I'm not going to apologize for that," she said, defiant like she expected him to demand she do just that. "I'm not pushing for more and I'm not trying to convince you to stay. But I wasn't going to pretend that I don't want you as much as I do."