Boston Mariott, Thursday Night

[spin_kick_snap]

Kathy...Kathy wasn't doing so well. She had a whole slew of reasons why she wasn't doing well, from her realization she remembered everything about being dead, to finding out Raven had killed her family, to her run-in with Ezra at the Coterie-run bar when she'd just wanted to drown her sorrows the old-fashioned way, it had been one thing after another after a-fucking-nother.

Which was why the phone call at ten pm found her putting the last touches on her makeup and hair for an evening out on the town. Her outfit left very little to the imagination and even less as protection to the elements, but she didn't care. Hell, that was the whole point. This was the third night she was in Boston and the third night of making questionable choices in the pursuit of getting her brain to shut down so she wouldn't have to think about any of the things she didn't want to think about. Sure, it was a weeknight in the dead of winter, but Boston was a college town. There were always people willing to party.

Though that didn't explain how Eliot knew what was going on. She listened to his message with a frown and immediately called him back. The only person who knew she was here was Ezra, so who'd gone to Eliot, carrying tales?

[Eliot's thread is chronologically first, but open to phone calls or that guy in Boston if he'd like! NFB for off-island shenanigans. Content warning for alcohol as a coping mechanism in the comments.]

Comments

[vdistinctive]

Shit.

"That -- I don't know, darlin'. I got plenty of memories of doin' bad stuff myself, but nothing like that, and nothin' I wasn't in full control of. But I ain't gonna freak out if you wanna tell me about it. I promise you that."

[spin_kick_snap]

"I freak about just thinking about it. I ran through hell, Eliot. That's where I was when Nanika pulled me out. Running through hell from a demon. And then this?" She laughed, slightly hysterical. "I'm supposed to sort out how I feel about Raven, how I feel about myself, what I'm supposed to do next, and then deal with the fact that a year has passed and everyone's moved on." The laughter turned to a deep, juddering sigh. "Sometimes I think I'm going to go crazy from it all."

[vdistinctive]

"That's a hell of a lot to take on all at once," Eliot agreed. "I know it ain't how you're used to thinkin', or how you were raised, but I think you can set one of those aside for the time being, at least. Don't take on what happens next till you get a handle on what's happenin' now."

[spin_kick_snap]

Kathy nodded, then remembered he couldn't see her and made a noise of assent. "That makes sense," she said. And then...

"Can I tell you something stupid? Something that shouldn't even matter and I'm mad that it does?" She was already blushing and feeling stupid. "It's about boys."

You signed up for this, Eliot.

[vdistinctive]

Honestly, he was so fucking thankful she was talking to him that he'd totally be willing to talk about sparkly ponies if that was what she wanted to talk about.

"Anything, kiddo. Stupid or not."

[spin_kick_snap]

"It was a year ago that Anders and I got together," she said softly. "A year exactly. I died, loving him. And I came back the same way. But he--but they--and it's stupid! It's so stupid! I've got a million more important things to worry over than boys and I should be grateful they're even talking to me at all, never mind anything else but it...it hurts, Eliot. It really, really hurts."

[vdistinctive]

Eliot bit back a chuckle. "That ain't stupid at all. Losin' someone like that, it's always gonna hurt. But remember: they came after you. I know it ain't the same, but I'd say they still care at least a little."

[spin_kick_snap]

"I know they care, but I'm still watching them, like, falling for each other and I'm left on the outside looking in and--" She made a frustrated noise. "And I can't even talk about it without feeling like an idiot. How am I giving this equal time with things like my parents being dead? How am I so ungrateful that it makes me unhappy when I by rights I shouldn't even be here to be upset at all?"

[vdistinctive]

"Who the fuck says you shouldn't be upset?" Eliot asked. "And . . . I mean, I know you know that them bein' into each other don't mean they ain't into you anymore."

Come on, Kathy.

[spin_kick_snap]

Excuse you, Eliot, but why did Parker and Hardison have to come up with Plan E again?

Besides, she was eighteen--nineteen--some age--and everything was terrible.

"Because the state of my love life is literally the dumbest thing to be worried over right now?" Kathy asked, bewildered. She hadn't expected Eliot to disagree with that. "God, even if one or both of them was on their knees begging to get back together, it would be stupid? I'm barely holding it together right now without having romance to complicate things. So I'm pining over something I can't have and shouldn't even want, when there are way more legitimate concerns that I should be freaking out over instead?"

In fairness, she was doing an excellent job of freaking out over as many issues as possible at once.

[vdistinctive]

Yeah, but Kathy had a functional example in front of her.

"Yeah, and how far has tellin' yourself not to want something or be upset about something gotten you, like, ever?" Eliot pointed out. "For chrissake, Kathy, you're allowed to miss your old life."

[spin_kick_snap]

But that functional example was butting heads with the whole eighteen-and-everything-is-terrible thing! She was floundering as all her old coping mechanisms deserted her or proved to be unequal to the task.

Truth be told, her new coping mechanisms weren't that great, either, but she was willing to give those a bit more time to kick in.

"Am I?" she asked, sounding almost timid. "I was the one who willingly gave it up."

[vdistinctive]

"The hell should that matter?" Eliot said. "You're grievin', darlin'. You're allowed to do that. For your family, for your world, and yeah, for yourself. And ain't no one has the right to tell someone how to grieve."

[spin_kick_snap]

"I've never done it before," Kathy blurted out. "I never lost anyone. Not even not like this, but just never. My grandpa died in Korea when I was seven, but I barely knew him. I don't know how to do this."

[vdistinctive]

"You let yourself feel it." Elot couldn't emphasize that enough. He never wanted Kathy to end up where he'd been, all emtions good and bad locked up so tight even he couldn't find them. "Even if it doesn't seem to make sense. And you talk to people about it. All the good things you miss. It'll hurt worse at first, but it'll help."

[spin_kick_snap]

"People have to have better things to do than listen to me complain," Kathy mumbled. She knew that anyone she spoke to would insist that she was wrong, that they were always there for her--but that didn't stop the fear that one day they would announce they'd had enough of her malingering and to be done with it already.

[vdistinctive]

"Some of 'em, maybe," Eliot said. "But that don'tmean they won't want to do it."

[spin_kick_snap]

She sighed again. "You want me to come home, don't you?"

'Home.' Not back to the island, but home. Because that's what it was and she knew it.

[vdistinctive]

"Yeah," Eliot said. "But I'll always want that."

[spin_kick_snap]

She warmed a little hearing that. That kind of unconditional acceptance wasn't something she was used to.

"I--soon," she promised. "A few more days?" At least until she felt a little less raw inside. "And I'll call if it ever seems like something hinky's about to go down and I think I'm in danger."

[vdistinctive]

"Sounds just fine to me."

[spin_kick_snap]

"Eliot? Thanks for worrying about me," she said. "Even if you did think I was pregnant."

[vdistinctive]

"Yeah, yeah." Eliot gave her a playful growl. "I'll call again in a few days if I don't hear from ya. We're plannin' to head down to the keys for the break week, but I'll make sure we stay within portal distance."

[spin_kick_snap]

"Sounds good," Kathy said. "So long as you promise to enjoy your vacation and not worry about me. Too much."

Because no force in the world could stop him from worry at least a little bit, she knew.

[vdistinctive]

Look at that, she was learning!

"I promise. Hardison and Parker are pretty good at that sorta thing."