Apartment Above Luke's, Tuesday Morning

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The trip to Limbo City had worn her out mentally and emotionally and that, combined with barely sleeping over the past two weeks, had resulted in Kathy letting herself into the house and collapsing facedown on her bed and sleeping for almost two days straight. Exhausting herself that thoroughly had resulted in no dreams that she remembered (not that she could rightly call them dreams anymore), but when she finally woke up late Tuesday morning, there was no convenient fog of exhaustion to hide behind. She was wide awake, thinking clearly, and she knew what she needed to do next.

Dante had found his family. It was time to ovary up and ask Raven about hers.

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[tigerundercover]

And part of Raven was really very tempted to just leave it at that. But she couldn't let Kathy take on even more guilt for things that hadn't actually been in her control at all.

"No," she said, still not looking at her. "It's mine."

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"No," Kathy said, assuming that Raven was dipping from the same well of guilt that she was. "No, it was my job to get them out, to keep them safe. Not yours. They were my responsibility--I never should have made you shoulder that burden."

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Raven squeezed her eyes shut and looked even further away. She really would have happily avoided this conversation forever and ever and ever. It was possible she had decided walking across a continent full of zombies was a really good idea in part to run away from this very conversation.

Which didn't make any sense at all, but frankly, neither did walking across an entire continent full of zombies.

"No," she said, forcing the words out so hard she sounded angry. "I mean it's actually my fault. I didn't get there in time but -- your mom was still alive."

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"What?" Kathy lowered her hands to look at Raven, utterly bewildered. "What do you mean? What happened."

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Well. There was no going back now. Maybe Hardison would let her move back into their guest room.

"I went right after you --" She automatically tried to skip over the word, but there was going to be enough other ugliness in this story. There was no point in dodging the one Kathy already knew about. "Right after you died. The Mighty Dragon took you off to the Observatory and I went back to your apartment to let them know." Wow, this carpet they picked out was really interesting. "I got there too late."

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"An ex broke in?" Kathy guessed. "Oh god, was it old Mrs. Park from down the way? Or--no, she never left her house. Dae-Sook Kim? Boy, about Sarah's age?"

She didn't know why she was grasping for these kinds of details. Maybe she was just hoping that if she filled the air with noise, Raven wasn't going to tell her what she was suddenly afraid to hear.

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They were past the point of no return now. It didn't even occur to Raven to pick one of those alternate stories Kathy offered and lie. She was on the downhill slope to hell and picking up momentum.

"Your dad," she said. "I don't know how. I don't think Sarah suffered." Not any more than the first panicked flight that had sent her careening into the table, anyway. Which was plenty enough when you thought about it. "But your mom was -- struggling." Raven's voice had gone clinical. She'd had too much time with these details, and had seen so much that was even worse, if less personal. "I found her first, but I could hear your dad, and I had to go check. She was done for anyway. It was just a matter of time."

She looked up, suddenly needing to feel it. Kathy's family deserved more than an empty recitation. Even if it hurt. Especially if it hurt.

She needed it to hurt.

"I killed your father," she said. "And then I went back and killed your mom too. I burned the apartment down. Just to be sure."

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Kathy's expression was frozen in one of horror. "You killed my mom?" she asked, voice barely audible. "And my dad? And Sarah...?"

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"Sarah was dead," Raven said bluntly. "Your dad was eating her."

It wasn't so much a matter of picking off a scab as digging her thumb into a bullet wound, but there was something masochistically satisfying about saying it anyway. At least now Raven wouldn't have to worry about Kathy's reaction when she found out.

It was a shame, really. She'd liked living with Kathy.

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The noise of the vase in Kathy's hands crashing to the ground and shattering was very, very loud. For a moment, Kathy didn't even seem to notice, staring at Raven in horrified disbelief. Then she was crouching down to start picking up the flowers scattered amidst the glass shards.

Oh. They were the flowers from Raven. How fitting.

"Tell me she didn't come back." Kathy's voice was low, almost inaudible.

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And yet strangely, to Raven, it seemed almost as loud as the vase breaking was.

"It was a head wound," she said. "I think she hit her head on the table. But -- I burned it all. To make sure."

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"That table," Kathy said with what started as a laugh but turned halfway through into a sob. "We were gonna burn it, you know? Me and Sarah, after our parents...it was so big and ugly and you couldn't bump into it without a getting a mother of a bruise and..." She started gulping in air. "I guess you took care of that for us. Should I say thank you?"

And then she was sobbing again for real.

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Raven curled back in on herself on the couch unconsciously. "Do you want me to leave?" she asked. "I can leave. It's okay."

She'd lived in the actual woods recently. Even if Hardison wouldn't let her in, or -- or Jono, she could just go into the preserve. She had options.

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Kathy looked up at her, her face wet and red. She'd never been a pretty crier; that had always been one of Sarah's skills. Sarah, who'd been eaten by their father.

She wanted to throw up. She actually did gag when she realized she knew the taste of flesh, could imagine what each mouthful had tasted like. It was a good thing she'd barely eaten anything over the past two days; it was all dry retching with nothing coming up.

"I don't know," she said, when her body was under her own control again. "Why did you kill my mom? She was just bitten, you said? Couldn't 'Genny have--"

Oh. Right. Him. Fuck.

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Raven wanted Kathy to stop asking questions. None of the answers were good.

"He'd just failed to save you," she pointed out. "And -- it wasn't just a bite, Kathy. Your dad had . . . her guts were spilling out. It was too late."

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"O-Oh." Kathy said, because she'd run out of other words. "Oh."

She pushed herself up to her feet, leaving the glass shards and fallen flowers on the ground. She didn't know what she was supposed to say or how she was supposed to feel. Hell, she didn't know how she did feel.

The one thing she did know?

"I've gotta--I'm going," she said, scooping up her purse. "I can't--I can't be here right now."

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Raven should have tried to stop her. Should have offered again to be the one to leave instead. But everything she said just made it worse, or made Kathy ask more questions. Instead she stayed where she was on the couch, actually gaining density as she shrank further in on herself.

"Okay. I'll just."

Be gone by the time Kathy came back.

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"No, you should just--" What? Leave? Kathy wasn't sure she wanted that. Stay? Kathy wasn't sure if she could handle that. "I don't know."

The words that actually made it out of her mouth sounded strangled. "I don't fucking know anything."

Except that she had to leave. It was getting impossible to breathe in here. Impossible to breathe on this whole island, with its flowers and its memories and its stupid, broken dreams.

[tigerundercover]

Raven would be sneaking into the house on Godiva tonight after work. Not that anyone would be home except the dog, but she didn't know that.

It would probably be awhile before she felt comfortable just walking in through the front door of this place, too.

"Yeah," she said. She felt like she couldn't move, not until Kathy had actually left. Sitting here and taking it was part of her punishment. For killing her best friend's family. "Okay."

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And Kathy did just that, fleeing out the door and down the steps. She wasn't dressed for winter, still wearing her thin pjs and slippers, but she wasn't going to let that stop her.

She was going to run all the way to the Portalocity office in town and take the first available portal to anywhere that was going to a place she'd never been.

That place happened to be Boston, which was an even worse place to go in pjs. Oh well. That's what credit cards and shopping malls were for.