Los Angeles, Sunday Night

[spin_kick_snap]

Banzai flipped over the edge of the rooftop, landing in a graceful crouch with her rainbows fluttering around her. She stood easily, not a single bruise or sore spot remaining from her time in Cyseal. It was good to have a healing mage in her back pocket.

Her pleased smile vanished as she wondered how many times Regenerator's wife had thought the same thing.

Poor Regenerator. She wished she could do more for him; just covering his patrol hardly seemed like enough when he was faced with the loss of his wife. But Banzai was hesitant to call the number in her phone, unwilling to intrude on the private grief of a man whose real name she didn't even know. What was she supposed to say? She'd been lucky enough to never really lose anyone close to her; all she had was a few platitudes about being terribly sorry and that time healed all wounds.

Maybe she could bring him some tea later? She was perched on the rooftop of the small teahouse that Regenerator liked to frequent at the beginning of his patrols. He'd introduced her to it over Christmas break, explaining the proprietors were actually happy to serve the masked set, since it meant criminals tended to give the store a wide berth. They'd sat and talked over a few nice cups of Ceylon and Banzai'd told him all about her plans to become a doctor. He explained he was a medical resident for his day job. They laughed at the idea of one day working together in the wards and the streets. She should have given him her real name then, when he'd joked about commandeering her as an intern when it was time.

Maybe if she had, she'd feel less lost now. What was she supposed to do? Well, other than take his patrol and hope that somehow, he'd know that it was taken care of?

[NFB, NFI. Some text taken from Chapter 24, "How Am I Supposed to Live Without You", from Peter Clines' Ex-Heroes. OOC welcome, warning for oblique suicide mention.]

Comments

[hollywoodex-tra.livejournal.com]

"It's not fair," Josh said softly. "It's not fair and it's not right. It was a stupid way to die and it's just not fair. That’s what’s important to remember. It wasn’t fair for her to get taken away from me like that. That’s what you need to understand. What happened wasn’t right. It's an...an affront to the way things are supposed to be. You--none of you--understand just how stupid it was for her to die."

He stared at his cup of tea, then turned and hurled it away into the night. The sweet liquid splashed out, still steaming in the air, and the styrofoam caught the neon. "She died because of a broken finger!" he roared. "Mashed in a car door, broke the skin, heavy bleeding. If I hadn’t been out playing hero I could’ve fixed it in ten seconds! Instead the neighbors called an ambulance and rushed her to the hospital. A broken finger!"

[spin_kick_snap]

"I--I don't understand," Kathy said, trying not to flinch at Josh's sudden burst of temper. It wasn't directed at her, but she still couldn't help realize anew how large Josh was, how much he outmassed her by. She wasn't afraid, exactly, but there was something about facing an angry man in a temper as Kathy rather than Banzai that triggered a familiar bout of nerves. "How could a broken finger lead to someone dying?"

[hollywoodex-tra.livejournal.com]

To his credit, Josh seemed to notice and visibly calmed himself. He settled back into stillness and when he spoke again, his voice was even. Steady.

"Once she got there, the emergency room staff screwed up a test and gave her the wrong type of blood. She was A-negative and some idiot nurse misread a chart and gave her Rh positive blood. Blood which should’ve been screened out of their blood banks to start with, because it was tainted with hep-B. The mixed symptoms confused them and they spent hours pumping her full of poisons to deal with misdiagnoses, and filling her with more of the wrong blood. The odds of it happening are a million to one. But Meredith was always the luckiest at being unlucky." He blew out a shaky breath. "And I'm blithely running around with the Mighty Dragon when I get two calls. One from our neighbor, Mrs. Halifax. She was the one who had called the ambulance and just wanted me to know that everything was fine and Meredith would be all right. The next one was from the hospital, asking me to get there as soon as possible, that they were losing her and they didn't know why."

[spin_kick_snap]

His voice was hoarse. Kathy passed him her tea, motioning for him to keep it. "I am so, so--sorry's not enough," she said. "There aren't words."

[hollywoodex-tra.livejournal.com]

"The worst is now. So long as we can say This is the worst," Josh quoted. "I'm looking at a huge settlement. The hospital's lawyers have already reached out to me, like I'm supposed to care about their money right now. Like I'm supposed to care about anything. Money won't bring her back. If it could, I'd pay any amount. Any. But it can't. She just lies there, cold and still on a slab, because she hurt herself and I wasn't there."

[spin_kick_snap]

"You're not responsible!" Kathy burst out. "Dammit, Josh, this wasn't your fault! Blame the staff that misread her bloodtype and the lab techs who let infected blood get through! But don't blame--"

[hollywoodex-tra.livejournal.com]

"You're right," Josh replied, standing up. "It's not about blame. It was a stupid, unfair mistake. That's all it was. Stupid and unfair. It shouldn't have happened at all."

[spin_kick_snap]

"Exactly," Kathy agreed, also standing. She felt a little uncertain, almost unbalanced by how easily he'd agreed to let go of the blame. "It was wrong and unfair, but it happened and--"

[hollywoodex-tra.livejournal.com]

"I think I will go home tonight," Josh said, reaching for his mask again. "Take some time off. At least until the funeral. It's scheduled for Wednesday afternoon. If you--if you want to--"

[spin_kick_snap]

"I'll be there," Kathy promised. "I can bring others, if you're okay with that. For support."

Then, in a rush, she added, "Josh, please, don't do anything stupid, okay? I know you're hurting and you're reeling and everything is just so overwhelming right now, but--"

[hollywoodex-tra.livejournal.com]

"Support would be nice," Regenerator replied, mask firmly on and a barrier far thicker than fabric falling between them. "Don't worry, Kathy. I'm the Immortal, remember? Whatever stupid thing you're worried about me doing won't have any effect at all."

The silent I've already tried hung between them.

"I'll text you the details sometime tomorrow," he said, turning to go.

[spin_kick_snap]

"You can text me for other reasons, too," Kathy said. "Even just to talk. Please, Genny. You're not alone."

[hollywoodex-tra.livejournal.com]

"Of course not," Regenerator said, giving her a sad smile. "I still have my cats. Maybe it's time I talked to them."

***

He turned and left her on the rooftop, making his way to his car where he'd left his civvies, turning once more from immortal superhero Regenerator into the broken and beaten Josh Garcetti. And he drove home in silence, letting himself in his back door, Lewis twining around his ankles and meowing pitifully. "I know," he whispered to his cat. "I miss her, too."

Rather than going directly upstairs the way he would have done had Meredith still been alive, he went into the living room, snagging a bottle of bourbon on the way. He passed the side table that already held the urn that he'd purchased; it was knocked on its side and he didn't bother to right it as he went. Clarke was curled up on the newest piece of furniture to be installed there and the blackout curtains remained drawn.

For an hour, he drank steadily, keeping up a one-sided conversation. At one point, he even pulled up Banzai's number in his phone, starting to type out a message: I'm about to do something stupid. But in the end, he deleted it and tossed his phone across the room. Lewis chased it. Clarke remained on his perch.

Clarke was always the more affectionate of the two anyway. He'd been happy to stay curled up on Meredith for hours, back when she'd been alive.

"It isn't fair," Josh whispered into the darkness. "It's not right, so anything I do can't be wrong. It's just not fair."